Jan 11, 2008

Stress Relief...

We are all worn out in my house; it's been a doozy of a week. His Highness has been asleep since 8 or so, and the Cat Daddy is snoozing in the big blue chair. Friday night, folks, Friday night. I meant to watch Monk, but I completely forgot until now and I just missed it. Dangit, I'll have to settle for Psych.

I received a forward listing "Christian" ways of dealing with stress the other day. So in the spirit of snarkiness and thumbing my nose at tact and sensibility, here are some decidedly UNchristian ways of dealing with stress...

  • Wait until you're in a quiet yet busy environment (library, elevator, etc.). Scream like some kind of wild banshee, then say "Tension breaker; had to be done."
  • Cuss out the bagboy when he puts heavy things in with the bread. Throw 2 quarters at him in place of the normal $3 tip.
  • Raid the fudge in the freezer. Lick each piece, then put it back where you found it.
  • Squeeze out a full tube of toothpaste (ala "Ramona").
  • Take a jog through your local farmers' market. Grab a piece or 2 of your favorite fruit and don't look back.
  • "Play drums" by cutting holes in them with your keys.
  • Spend a while catching up on/trying to figure out Facebook under your dominatrix alias.
  • Shovel snow into your arch-enemy's bed.
  • Find a balloon vendor. Pop all his balloons and run.
  • Bang on a piano for a while. Then open the cover and play it. Loudly.
  • Take a baseball bat to a snowman.
  • Walk into WalMart and sneer at the greeter.
  • Take a long walk on top of someone's back.
  • Two words: Duct Tape

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