We went with the slightly more churchy one. It's a Berean church, and is part of the Berean Fellowship, which is sort of like a denomination, but not really. Local autonomy, or something or other. I'm not sure how many people are at church on a given Sunday, but there are people of all ages. All ages. I swear some of the folks are pushing 100--it's amazing.
They roped us in with their dang kindness and understanding, and people that we started to really like. Plus the Cat Daddy's crew partner and her husband are in our small group. Current crew partner, that is; they change a lot. They then proceeded to completely spoil us when the Littler One was born, bringing us all sorts of dinners, and even the old people don't bat an eye at our jeans, shorts, and/or flip-flops.
So now we are starting the business of plugging in more. Finding our respective niches will take time, of course, but for now I'm taking proactive steps such as making eye contact and talking to people without ending the conversation at the first opportunity. This is progress.
One thing that's great about this church is the sheer amount of food they give out. It seems like there's some sort of potluck or fundraising lunch almost every week. And they have a gymnatorium. Or maybe they just call it a gym--I guess there isn't really a stage area that would merit the "-atorium." Anyway, it's big, and has industrial-strength carpet with the AWANA game markings velcro'd on. Or maybe color-duct-taped. Whatever. Brings me back to the plastic bowling pins and carrying beanbags on my head around the big circle in the AWANA Olympics at ASU. And there's a kitchen next to the gym, with a pass-thru window for the giant coffee makers & coolers of powdered lemonade. And I may or may not have seen basketball hoops. It's spectacular.
On a completely different topic , the Cat Daddy has decided, at 10:45 pm, to take up baking. He was all, "You should try baking bread sometime. You have the mixer for it now." How did I know that was coming. I knew that was coming. I replied "You should try baking bread sometime." So he decided to make a sourdough starter. He's watching the yeast belch, & there is a foil-covered nightstand lamp involved. I need to vacate the vicinity in a hurry...
Showing posts with label church hunting. Show all posts
Showing posts with label church hunting. Show all posts
Jul 1, 2009
Mar 29, 2009
Does Not Play Well With Others...
Lately I'm wondering if I need to wear a sign that says something like "Normally I'm more personable than this, honest." I'm not going around yelling at people or anything (for the most part), I'm just having a hard time engaging very much with those around me.
I think there are, like, 5 or so layers to this whole thing. The most obvious aspect is the impending arrival of Kiddo #2, and to that extent I expect to draw inward as I prepare for it. I'm down to the last few weeks, where I'm thinking "There is not room for the both of us; the belly HAS to go," and my extremities all feel rather noodle-like and sometimes even like they might fall off if I'm not careful. Good for getting babies out. Bad for, say, putting out the trash while trying not to slip on the icy driveway because the Cat Daddy got stuck out on alert an extra night due to the snowstorm, otherwise he'd be glad to do it, but the trash is overflowing and MUST get out and it's too late to ask the neighbor for help so it's this or be overrun by a mountain of trash until a week from now. Or just wanting to walk around for more than 10 minutes at a time. Neither is fun. All to say I'm a little out of it in general, but this will remedy itself over time as my hormones all realign and re-regulate and whatnot.
Then there's the meeting people angle. Where the last time I had a kiddo we were well established and had close friends to make sure I didn't withdraw from society completely, I felt free to be less outgoing and concentrate more on the mental prep for crunchy birthing. But now we are still in the phase of needing to be more outgoing so that we can form such connections with others. I'm uncomfortable meeting new people to begin with, but lately I'm particularly unmotivated about it. I feel like somehow I should be more enthusiastic or something, I dunno.
Here's the thing. Over the years I've tried several ways to describe myself in a nutshell. "Benevolent subversive" is still by far my favorite. I've also used "Ragamuffin" from Brennan Manning's "Ragamuffin Gospel," but that still doesn't quite capture the warped-humor side of things. Lately I've been describing myself as "a little inappropriate sometimes," which while not very specific, is quite true.
I don't necessarily come out and say this immediately upon meeting someone, mind you; I try to be a little more subtle. I might toss out some sort of mildly odd or random comment and see what happens. The most encouraging reply is a smile, laugh, or snarky retort. This is how I knew I was in good company when I joined my moms' group on base (Spouses Helping Spouses, or SHS, it's called).
Then sometimes I get a blank stare, which is unfortunate but I can deal with it. It, um, actually happened quite a bit in grade school, come to think of it. The worst response, though, is when the other person appears frightened. This one I feel badly about because it usually comes from someone who seems very, very, very nice, which means I've just made them nervous, which then makes me nervous, and at that point I'm looking for some sort of sign marking where the inappropriate people should congregate so they can snark on each other and stop scaring people.
This happened at the meeting of another spouses' group on base a couple weeks ago, by the way; I'm not making it up. I've thus far not joined the base spouses' club, but different squadrons within the base will often have a spouses' group to promote unity and help people get to know each other and all that, and I met a couple of really cool ladies through the one I went to in California (neither of whom came to Wyoming, bummer), so I figured it was worth a try here. Alas, tons of nice people, just no kindred spirits yet. And no special section for the inappropriate people, so I was stuck sort of watching the craft time from the side. Of course I could have participated in the craft, I'm aware of that. I didn't though.
I feel really torn about it, because how ungrateful is it to lament meeting nice people? This makes me wonder about my attitude, and if I should be fighting against my cynicism some, or for heaven's sake cutting people some slack before deciding they're too nice for me to be friends with. How ridiculous is that! On the other hand, how long do I keep repeatedly forcing myself into a situation before letting myself off the hook and saying "OK, this one just isn't my thing" and concentrating my energies elsewhere? Where is the line between being kind and courteous, versus feeling like I'm stifling myself to the point of painful pretending?
Oh, and THEN thoughts creep in, like "Gosh how narcissistic, Skerrib. It's not all about you, you know." And other things that send me into what Homer Simpson calls a shame spiral, and it's all just very messy and a bit hard to sort out.
There's a hopeful note in there though. We've been to a few more churches in the area, and to one in particular a few times now. Here we have met a cool couple, and even scored a dinner invite & had a lovely evening chatting it up way past our kids' bedtimes, and went to their small group & had a good time, etc. Things might be looking promising here.
The challenge with this place is that it's a little more churchy, and intergenerational and all. I'm all for respecting the old (OLD) people and their tastes, especially when they are nice about accepting the changing styles, and don't think drums are inherently disrespectful (a personal peeve, go figure). The bummer is that consequently this involves compromise on the musical stylings, and I have a hard time with compromise on the musical stylings (See? The attitude!). The compromise is not so much on the song choice as the amplification methods and levels, meaning that while the music selections are good and have some nice variation, the volume and mix make me feel a little sad.
That and the drummer in the fishbowl, complete with topper, creating a drum chamber. Now this could be helped greatly by rigging up the drum chamber to have large sums of money flying around like in old game shows. That would make being relegated to the fishbowl much more bearable; then again, it would likely be kind of expensive, so probably not.
But the people are cool. They're really nice. And I'm a firm believer in people over things. The question is, will they still like me when they find out I'm a little inappropriate sometimes? (The insecurity!) With the cool couple, I'm almost certain yes. Because when I just came out and explained about it, and they seemed cool with it. But how well do I have to behave around the old people?
So we could try to find something else. Realistically, as far as comfort goes in the way of style, music, and such, I think our best bet is the other church we went to for several months...but then because of the theological differences I would likely leave every week feeling neurotic, and who wants that? Or we could stay, and I could allow myself to be challenged and find out where the fine lines are, and maybe get over myself and relax a little bit. And maybe find some old people who are a little inappropriate sometimes. That would be cool. They are very big into grace and grace alone, so if I'm going to be looking for fine lines, this is a safe place to mess it all up in the process.
And actually I get the feeling the pastor is a little inappropriate sometimes. In a very pastorly way (as opposed to my warped and wonderful compadres at the home church), but still if that's the case...well, we'll have to see what happens...
I think there are, like, 5 or so layers to this whole thing. The most obvious aspect is the impending arrival of Kiddo #2, and to that extent I expect to draw inward as I prepare for it. I'm down to the last few weeks, where I'm thinking "There is not room for the both of us; the belly HAS to go," and my extremities all feel rather noodle-like and sometimes even like they might fall off if I'm not careful. Good for getting babies out. Bad for, say, putting out the trash while trying not to slip on the icy driveway because the Cat Daddy got stuck out on alert an extra night due to the snowstorm, otherwise he'd be glad to do it, but the trash is overflowing and MUST get out and it's too late to ask the neighbor for help so it's this or be overrun by a mountain of trash until a week from now. Or just wanting to walk around for more than 10 minutes at a time. Neither is fun. All to say I'm a little out of it in general, but this will remedy itself over time as my hormones all realign and re-regulate and whatnot.
Then there's the meeting people angle. Where the last time I had a kiddo we were well established and had close friends to make sure I didn't withdraw from society completely, I felt free to be less outgoing and concentrate more on the mental prep for crunchy birthing. But now we are still in the phase of needing to be more outgoing so that we can form such connections with others. I'm uncomfortable meeting new people to begin with, but lately I'm particularly unmotivated about it. I feel like somehow I should be more enthusiastic or something, I dunno.
Here's the thing. Over the years I've tried several ways to describe myself in a nutshell. "Benevolent subversive" is still by far my favorite. I've also used "Ragamuffin" from Brennan Manning's "Ragamuffin Gospel," but that still doesn't quite capture the warped-humor side of things. Lately I've been describing myself as "a little inappropriate sometimes," which while not very specific, is quite true.
I don't necessarily come out and say this immediately upon meeting someone, mind you; I try to be a little more subtle. I might toss out some sort of mildly odd or random comment and see what happens. The most encouraging reply is a smile, laugh, or snarky retort. This is how I knew I was in good company when I joined my moms' group on base (Spouses Helping Spouses, or SHS, it's called).
Then sometimes I get a blank stare, which is unfortunate but I can deal with it. It, um, actually happened quite a bit in grade school, come to think of it. The worst response, though, is when the other person appears frightened. This one I feel badly about because it usually comes from someone who seems very, very, very nice, which means I've just made them nervous, which then makes me nervous, and at that point I'm looking for some sort of sign marking where the inappropriate people should congregate so they can snark on each other and stop scaring people.
This happened at the meeting of another spouses' group on base a couple weeks ago, by the way; I'm not making it up. I've thus far not joined the base spouses' club, but different squadrons within the base will often have a spouses' group to promote unity and help people get to know each other and all that, and I met a couple of really cool ladies through the one I went to in California (neither of whom came to Wyoming, bummer), so I figured it was worth a try here. Alas, tons of nice people, just no kindred spirits yet. And no special section for the inappropriate people, so I was stuck sort of watching the craft time from the side. Of course I could have participated in the craft, I'm aware of that. I didn't though.
I feel really torn about it, because how ungrateful is it to lament meeting nice people? This makes me wonder about my attitude, and if I should be fighting against my cynicism some, or for heaven's sake cutting people some slack before deciding they're too nice for me to be friends with. How ridiculous is that! On the other hand, how long do I keep repeatedly forcing myself into a situation before letting myself off the hook and saying "OK, this one just isn't my thing" and concentrating my energies elsewhere? Where is the line between being kind and courteous, versus feeling like I'm stifling myself to the point of painful pretending?
Oh, and THEN thoughts creep in, like "Gosh how narcissistic, Skerrib. It's not all about you, you know." And other things that send me into what Homer Simpson calls a shame spiral, and it's all just very messy and a bit hard to sort out.
There's a hopeful note in there though. We've been to a few more churches in the area, and to one in particular a few times now. Here we have met a cool couple, and even scored a dinner invite & had a lovely evening chatting it up way past our kids' bedtimes, and went to their small group & had a good time, etc. Things might be looking promising here.
The challenge with this place is that it's a little more churchy, and intergenerational and all. I'm all for respecting the old (OLD) people and their tastes, especially when they are nice about accepting the changing styles, and don't think drums are inherently disrespectful (a personal peeve, go figure). The bummer is that consequently this involves compromise on the musical stylings, and I have a hard time with compromise on the musical stylings (See? The attitude!). The compromise is not so much on the song choice as the amplification methods and levels, meaning that while the music selections are good and have some nice variation, the volume and mix make me feel a little sad.
That and the drummer in the fishbowl, complete with topper, creating a drum chamber. Now this could be helped greatly by rigging up the drum chamber to have large sums of money flying around like in old game shows. That would make being relegated to the fishbowl much more bearable; then again, it would likely be kind of expensive, so probably not.
But the people are cool. They're really nice. And I'm a firm believer in people over things. The question is, will they still like me when they find out I'm a little inappropriate sometimes? (The insecurity!) With the cool couple, I'm almost certain yes. Because when I just came out and explained about it, and they seemed cool with it. But how well do I have to behave around the old people?
So we could try to find something else. Realistically, as far as comfort goes in the way of style, music, and such, I think our best bet is the other church we went to for several months...but then because of the theological differences I would likely leave every week feeling neurotic, and who wants that? Or we could stay, and I could allow myself to be challenged and find out where the fine lines are, and maybe get over myself and relax a little bit. And maybe find some old people who are a little inappropriate sometimes. That would be cool. They are very big into grace and grace alone, so if I'm going to be looking for fine lines, this is a safe place to mess it all up in the process.
And actually I get the feeling the pastor is a little inappropriate sometimes. In a very pastorly way (as opposed to my warped and wonderful compadres at the home church), but still if that's the case...well, we'll have to see what happens...
Jan 6, 2009
Church Hunting--Feelers...
Too long a story to tell tonight. Haven't left the church we've been going to, but aren't feeling as settled as we had previously, either. The membership-class-thingy is coming up, so we'll get some good info and have the chance to ask some good questions. Good.
In the meantime though, we're putting some feelers out. There's another church we had looked at online but haven't visited yet, so I thought I'd contact them for more info. I'm also dangerously close to calling the friends of Linda to see what kind of info they can give me--just have to wait for a brave day on that one.
I always wonder how much info to give in an introductory, information-seeking email. Do I go into my neuroses and test the true extent of their understanding, or keep it strictly to "Hi I'm looking for a good church, do you fit the bill?" I kind of like how this one turned out though, so I thought I'd share--
Anyway, I do have more details to share on the church-thing, but that may or may not wait until after we've made a decision on the current church. And I have some photos from the autopsy I did on my hand mixer, so hopefully I'll get those up soon too. Til then...
In the meantime though, we're putting some feelers out. There's another church we had looked at online but haven't visited yet, so I thought I'd contact them for more info. I'm also dangerously close to calling the friends of Linda to see what kind of info they can give me--just have to wait for a brave day on that one.
I always wonder how much info to give in an introductory, information-seeking email. Do I go into my neuroses and test the true extent of their understanding, or keep it strictly to "Hi I'm looking for a good church, do you fit the bill?" I kind of like how this one turned out though, so I thought I'd share--
Hello Local Area Church,I always think I use too many exclamation points, but I chalk that up to wanting to convey a certain amount of cheer. Not that I feel particularly perky most of the time, but not knowing who is on the other end it always seems a better policy than displaying the full extent of my snark that you all get to see here. I've been known to scare people away with the snark.
We are new to the area, looking to connect locally. I've looked over the church website and the fellowship's website [sort of like a denomination but not exactly], and so far am encouraged by what I'm finding, but I was wondering if you could give me an idea for the feel of your church. We've been attending Another Local Church for a couple of months, and enjoy their music & casual atmosphere, but aren't sure if it's the right match for us theologically. We're both musicians (bass & drums) and eventually would probably have an interest in contributing musically, so that's an area of special interest for us. Personality-wise, we're casual & laid-back. We're not looking for everyone to look & act like we do (but wouldn't that be fun!), just hoping to find a place where we are free to be ourselves.
As far as theological beliefs, mostly we're very much into grace as a way of life. We love Jesus and want to follow him in a real & authentic way, without being superficial or "churchy." We are a military family and will be in the area for approximately four years so we have all the "stuff" that comes with being military--knowing we're here only a short time, yet wanting to connect and have meaningful relationships, etc. We fit into the young-families area, in our early 30's with a 2 year old, along with our second kiddo coming in the spring.
We will be out of town in the next few weeks but would like to come visit, probably in February sometime. In the meantime, any info you can provide would be great, or if there's any particular person I should contact I would be glad to do that as well. Thanks!
Anyway, I do have more details to share on the church-thing, but that may or may not wait until after we've made a decision on the current church. And I have some photos from the autopsy I did on my hand mixer, so hopefully I'll get those up soon too. Til then...
Dec 30, 2008
Now See Here...
Piggybacking on my post from the other day, I wanted to link to this post by iMonk. He articulates very well some of the frustrations I've encountered on my church hunting journey, particularly this year...
Click here
Click here
Dec 28, 2008
Plugging In...
I have issues with church. More specifically with church hunting, but since we've pretty well settled on a church here it's not so much church hunting as it is with church plugging in.
I like a lot of the things about our church here. I like the casual, come-as-you-are vibe. I like the music. It's perhaps a bit on the edgy side even for my tastes, but that tells me that they are not afraid of any particular musical style. I like it that they meet in their own facility now. I loved the idea of meeting in a movie theater, but I didn't like the reality of it very much, for no reason other than it was too different than what I'm accustomed to (Sometimes I think I am starting to resemble a stick in the mud). I like that they are into serving the community with no strings attached, and are supportive of other area churches. Indeed, no sheep-poaching there (to use a favorite expression I got from Mrs T).
But then...I dunno. I can think of about 5 things that bug me--minor theological differences, quirks, that sort of thing. In the context of relationship I don't think any of them would be dealbreakers...but we are not yet in the context of relationship with the church, so it's hard to get an accurate perspective. Here my neurosis really rears its head, in the form of an in-depth analysis of every message. I can always find something to disagree with or get defensive about, but the question is whether or not I would react as strongly if we were a little farther in. It's much easier to take everything with a grain of salt when you already know and trust the one who is preaching.
Compounding this is that the pastor is a fairly strong speaker. At times he has a lot of passion and emphasis. In general this is a good thing, but often when he delivers his strongest emphasis and most dramatic pauses, I cringe a little bit at the point itself. There's always seems to be a point where I go "no, I don't have to agree with that; I don't think that's what God says at all." Now if he's just using good speaking techniques and going for the big effect, I can understand that. On the other hand, if he really feels as strongly as it appears about some of his finer points, then maybe the minor theological differences are more of a problem than they normally would be. I don't know.
Further throwing a wrench into the mix is the increasingly-obvious fact that the pastor is introverted, and not necessarily interested in connecting with individuals. I am an introvert, and I don't particularly care for connecting deeply with everyone and their brother, so again I can totally understand this. The church is structured so that there are places and people with which to connect, so that people can be taken care of while the pastor is freed to do his pastorly things, which in this case seem to be preaching and overseeing the whole shebang. The problem here is that, having exchanged maybe 2 words ever with him, I don't really know where he's coming from as an individual, so I'm not yet sure how much I can trust his leadership. I know he's a good orator--Toastmasters would be pleased. I know that he and his wife are extremely hip and cool when it comes to distressed jeans and other edginess indicators. I know that he is the head of this baby church that has grown to over 500 in its one year of existence, and that he well aware of how uncommon this is, and is highly grateful for the whole thing.
That said I don't really know what makes him tick. What sorts of things has he encountered on his journey to give him his particular bents, and what are his essential points when it comes to talking about God. And I'm not sure I'm in the place to ask those sorts of questions of him personally. In fact, I'm pretty sure I'm not. I would certainly feel defensive if someone came at me, looking more than a little bothered, and asking those sorts of things of me. Granted, I'm not in charge of an entire church, but still...I'm pretty sure I'm not in the proper state of mind to ask those things graciously and fairly, anyway.
Thankfully, the church has venues for such questions, and even has a catchy name for everything they do. Last week we attended the Tour, a little lunch shindig aimed at newcomers wanting to get acquainted with the place, and in two weeks they will hold what they call the Partnership class, where they talk about membership, and folks can ask more hardcore and/or theological questions and such. So that's our next step.
I have a lot of fears about plugging in here. I have a lot of fears about plugging in anywhere. What I would love is to go to a church and get a special feeling or instinct that it is home for the next 4 years, church-wise. I don't know if that exists for everyone, and I'm not sure it's fair to ask of a place before we've taken the time to plug in. Maybe my expectations are skewed in one direction or the other, or maybe I need to eat more iron-rich foods or something. Out of the churches we've visited, it does seem to be the best fit for us as a family, even if it might not be where I'd end up as an individual. But then again, maybe it is exactly where I'd end up; I dunno. What confuses me is that there are so many factors influencing my judgement at present, that I don't really trust my judgement. Hard to take that and make a solid decision.
I think the thing that sits heaviest with me is that, when all is said & done, to me it just feels like "doing church." Looking around during the service it is obviously not this way for a whole bunch of people, so it's highly likely that this is more of an indicator of the things I'm feeling about church lately, rather than the perspective from which this church is ministering.
I haven't seen any red flags, so that's a start. Still, my overall gut-feeling is one of discomfort. I don't see anyone else walking around in apparent bondage or oppression, but somehow I come away feeling neurotic pretty much every time. And I hate feeling neurotic. But again, I know my perspective is skewed, so it's hard to sort out much of anything. Ho-hum.
I think the next few weeks will be telling, what with the membership class and the new series they're starting up. The name of it is something like "21," which is borrowed from black-jack's perfect hand. The video trailer (yes, they do those here) has taunting little phrases like "living each day like the perfect day." I'm suspicious, but we'll see the angle they take...
I like a lot of the things about our church here. I like the casual, come-as-you-are vibe. I like the music. It's perhaps a bit on the edgy side even for my tastes, but that tells me that they are not afraid of any particular musical style. I like it that they meet in their own facility now. I loved the idea of meeting in a movie theater, but I didn't like the reality of it very much, for no reason other than it was too different than what I'm accustomed to (Sometimes I think I am starting to resemble a stick in the mud). I like that they are into serving the community with no strings attached, and are supportive of other area churches. Indeed, no sheep-poaching there (to use a favorite expression I got from Mrs T).
But then...I dunno. I can think of about 5 things that bug me--minor theological differences, quirks, that sort of thing. In the context of relationship I don't think any of them would be dealbreakers...but we are not yet in the context of relationship with the church, so it's hard to get an accurate perspective. Here my neurosis really rears its head, in the form of an in-depth analysis of every message. I can always find something to disagree with or get defensive about, but the question is whether or not I would react as strongly if we were a little farther in. It's much easier to take everything with a grain of salt when you already know and trust the one who is preaching.
Compounding this is that the pastor is a fairly strong speaker. At times he has a lot of passion and emphasis. In general this is a good thing, but often when he delivers his strongest emphasis and most dramatic pauses, I cringe a little bit at the point itself. There's always seems to be a point where I go "no, I don't have to agree with that; I don't think that's what God says at all." Now if he's just using good speaking techniques and going for the big effect, I can understand that. On the other hand, if he really feels as strongly as it appears about some of his finer points, then maybe the minor theological differences are more of a problem than they normally would be. I don't know.
Further throwing a wrench into the mix is the increasingly-obvious fact that the pastor is introverted, and not necessarily interested in connecting with individuals. I am an introvert, and I don't particularly care for connecting deeply with everyone and their brother, so again I can totally understand this. The church is structured so that there are places and people with which to connect, so that people can be taken care of while the pastor is freed to do his pastorly things, which in this case seem to be preaching and overseeing the whole shebang. The problem here is that, having exchanged maybe 2 words ever with him, I don't really know where he's coming from as an individual, so I'm not yet sure how much I can trust his leadership. I know he's a good orator--Toastmasters would be pleased. I know that he and his wife are extremely hip and cool when it comes to distressed jeans and other edginess indicators. I know that he is the head of this baby church that has grown to over 500 in its one year of existence, and that he well aware of how uncommon this is, and is highly grateful for the whole thing.
That said I don't really know what makes him tick. What sorts of things has he encountered on his journey to give him his particular bents, and what are his essential points when it comes to talking about God. And I'm not sure I'm in the place to ask those sorts of questions of him personally. In fact, I'm pretty sure I'm not. I would certainly feel defensive if someone came at me, looking more than a little bothered, and asking those sorts of things of me. Granted, I'm not in charge of an entire church, but still...I'm pretty sure I'm not in the proper state of mind to ask those things graciously and fairly, anyway.
Thankfully, the church has venues for such questions, and even has a catchy name for everything they do. Last week we attended the Tour, a little lunch shindig aimed at newcomers wanting to get acquainted with the place, and in two weeks they will hold what they call the Partnership class, where they talk about membership, and folks can ask more hardcore and/or theological questions and such. So that's our next step.
I have a lot of fears about plugging in here. I have a lot of fears about plugging in anywhere. What I would love is to go to a church and get a special feeling or instinct that it is home for the next 4 years, church-wise. I don't know if that exists for everyone, and I'm not sure it's fair to ask of a place before we've taken the time to plug in. Maybe my expectations are skewed in one direction or the other, or maybe I need to eat more iron-rich foods or something. Out of the churches we've visited, it does seem to be the best fit for us as a family, even if it might not be where I'd end up as an individual. But then again, maybe it is exactly where I'd end up; I dunno. What confuses me is that there are so many factors influencing my judgement at present, that I don't really trust my judgement. Hard to take that and make a solid decision.
I think the thing that sits heaviest with me is that, when all is said & done, to me it just feels like "doing church." Looking around during the service it is obviously not this way for a whole bunch of people, so it's highly likely that this is more of an indicator of the things I'm feeling about church lately, rather than the perspective from which this church is ministering.
I haven't seen any red flags, so that's a start. Still, my overall gut-feeling is one of discomfort. I don't see anyone else walking around in apparent bondage or oppression, but somehow I come away feeling neurotic pretty much every time. And I hate feeling neurotic. But again, I know my perspective is skewed, so it's hard to sort out much of anything. Ho-hum.
I think the next few weeks will be telling, what with the membership class and the new series they're starting up. The name of it is something like "21," which is borrowed from black-jack's perfect hand. The video trailer (yes, they do those here) has taunting little phrases like "living each day like the perfect day." I'm suspicious, but we'll see the angle they take...
Oct 26, 2008
Church Hunting--Just Won't Go Away...
Today we ditched church. Lots of good reasons...we all slept a really, really long time, His Highness and I are getting over a cold...blah blah blah. I'm not one who generally tries to sneak my sick kid into more public situations. I mean, sometimes I do, but when he's got stuff coming out of his nose that's generally a sign that he's still contagious, so...
It's looking more & more like we're going to stick with the mall-movie-theater church. We also visited the local mega-church one week; "mega" by Cheyenne standards, anyway. It was nice. Maybe a little too nice. I was a little concerned that we might lose our edge a bit. Given my state of minimal edginess, I don't have much to spare, so it was too great a risk.
Anyway, I think the Cat Daddy has pretty well settled on the movie theater church. I more or less have, but am dragging my feet a little with the committing and connecting and whatnot. While I was in AZ I got to spend time at the home church, and with lotsa folks from the home church.
Here's the thing. Being a nervous type, I sometimes wonder, when I go back to visit, if folks will be all "Um, she doesn't live here anymore, why does she keep coming back?" or feel annoyed by my barging into the office on a workday with my kid and his gear, and then we all have to chase him around and keep him from draining the watercooler.
But they are glad to see me. Every. Single. Time. After sitting with Weezer, and trading witty comebacks with the crazy ladies up front, and hugging pretty much everyone who comes out of their office to investigate what all the noise is and where the giant toddler came from...I am reassurred every time. It is still my home; I still belong there. It's nice.
Sometimes the contrast is a little discouraging...I mean, whatever church we find will not be a clone of the home church. Not that that's the goal; it's just hard to remember sometimes that it's NOT the goal. Wouldn't be realistic. So while I'm missing my AZ peeps I have to remember that we have, in fact, made wonderful friends in our churches along the way. Totally different and fantastic friends. It does tend to expand one's world.
But anyway, church hunting. We know where; now it's a matter of time and meeting people and forming relationships and all that. I am still quite cynical and snarky about it all and shall continue to drag my feet until I am otherwise inclined. Stubborn? No. Just tired.
Lest you worry that I'm withdrawing from life completely, fear not. I'm joining a spouses' group on base. Not the Spouses Club. A different one which is more along the lines of checking in with people, especially when their spouses are deployed, and making sure they're doing alright and haven't gone completely nuts yet. And I can always use people checking in to make sure I haven't gone completely nuts yet...
It's looking more & more like we're going to stick with the mall-movie-theater church. We also visited the local mega-church one week; "mega" by Cheyenne standards, anyway. It was nice. Maybe a little too nice. I was a little concerned that we might lose our edge a bit. Given my state of minimal edginess, I don't have much to spare, so it was too great a risk.
Anyway, I think the Cat Daddy has pretty well settled on the movie theater church. I more or less have, but am dragging my feet a little with the committing and connecting and whatnot. While I was in AZ I got to spend time at the home church, and with lotsa folks from the home church.
Here's the thing. Being a nervous type, I sometimes wonder, when I go back to visit, if folks will be all "Um, she doesn't live here anymore, why does she keep coming back?" or feel annoyed by my barging into the office on a workday with my kid and his gear, and then we all have to chase him around and keep him from draining the watercooler.
But they are glad to see me. Every. Single. Time. After sitting with Weezer, and trading witty comebacks with the crazy ladies up front, and hugging pretty much everyone who comes out of their office to investigate what all the noise is and where the giant toddler came from...I am reassurred every time. It is still my home; I still belong there. It's nice.
Sometimes the contrast is a little discouraging...I mean, whatever church we find will not be a clone of the home church. Not that that's the goal; it's just hard to remember sometimes that it's NOT the goal. Wouldn't be realistic. So while I'm missing my AZ peeps I have to remember that we have, in fact, made wonderful friends in our churches along the way. Totally different and fantastic friends. It does tend to expand one's world.
But anyway, church hunting. We know where; now it's a matter of time and meeting people and forming relationships and all that. I am still quite cynical and snarky about it all and shall continue to drag my feet until I am otherwise inclined. Stubborn? No. Just tired.
Lest you worry that I'm withdrawing from life completely, fear not. I'm joining a spouses' group on base. Not the Spouses Club. A different one which is more along the lines of checking in with people, especially when their spouses are deployed, and making sure they're doing alright and haven't gone completely nuts yet. And I can always use people checking in to make sure I haven't gone completely nuts yet...
Sep 7, 2008
Church Hunting--The Return...
Yes folks, today marked our second full Sunday in Cheyenne, and the first Sunday that we got our butts outta bed & went to church. In a movie theater. At the mall.
There are some fantastic advantages to this setup. To begin with, we arrived late. We were not late on purpose, but it occurred to me on the way there that it was probably a good tactic if we were going to keep up our bad-church-visitor-ness. I think I will try to keep being very-slightly-late until I get motivated to show up on time. But guess what? When you go to church at the mall on Sunday morning there's always plenty of parking, no matter how late you are.
Second, I don't know what the normal rental plans for movie theaters are, but this church occupied at least three "screens" that I'm aware of. Big church of course was in one. His Highness went to play with the toddlers in the front area of another, and in the process of finding the toddler room we managed to peek in on the kidz. They really spelled it that way on the signs, too. Because Z's are cool. That's all to say that there was plenty of room for everyone to spread out.
I was only mildly disappointed to find the concession stand closed. I think that would be a fantastic lure for unsuspecting seekers--free candy! It could be that there was free candy for those who showed up on time, but we'll never know. Unless we decide to show up on time, I guess.
In case I haven't mentioned it before, Cheyenne's population is very diverse in its occupation of the hipness & coolness spectrum. Up to now, we'd seen quite a variety of folks, but now we know that approximately 85% of the hip & cool people (the Christian ones, anyway) go to this church, and that most of them sit in the front section where no one likes to sit during a movie because of neck strain. Since we were late, we had to rely on the ushers to find us 2 open seats, which happened to be right among the hip & cool people. I did feel a touch more hip & cool after that.
So the general feel of this church is hip & cool, and not churchy at all, which as I've said before, is where we tend to gravitate. Rockin' music, casual feel, and all that. No one even turned to look when I got out my string cheese for a mid-morning munch. Most everyone was dressed casually, although I did notice a few ladies doing the nice-sweater-and pants thing, and one guy in the hip & cool section had a full suit on. Which was kinda cool. As I glanced around I spotted a sufficient number of tattoos to feel comfortable. The pastor was, like, a walking advertisement for hip & cool. Shaved head, cool specs, appropriately-distressed jeans. I thought I saw an earring in his left cartilage, but he had the cool earpiece-microphone in the way, so I couldn't tell for sure. He was also a walking advertisement for the church, as his (very hip & cool) shirt had the name of the church on it.
So, music--cool. Communion right after music--an interesting variation, but fine by me. They passed around these cool trays which held the cups and the bread, and the "bread" was a sort of hybrid between the thin wafers and Chiclets. I gotta say, I like when churches use real bread (French--yum), but since it's really about Jesus and not luscious loaves I got over it real quick. Besides, I still had my string cheese and was waiting until the message to break it out.
The message...sort of made me tired. The theme started out as "Lost," and finding one's place in God's kingdom, but then the pastor talked about the parable of the sown seeds, with the 4 different results, and whatnot. Which is an awesome passage, and I get what he was saying, I think. I'm not sure how it related to the "Lost" theme, but what it boiled down to was "Here are 4 different people. Don't be the bad three, be the good one!" and the he sort of left it there. And I sort of felt like saying, "How do I become the good one?" And anytime I'm left alone with that question it leaves me with the impression that I'm supposed to arbitrarily try harder, and the message of trying harder never sits well with me.
Now let me qualify this and say that I'm not in the best of places emotionally right now, so my perspective is likely skewed somewhat. Or a lot. If I cornered the pastor and started quizzing him about it, that would be rather presumptuous of me. But if I did it anyway, and if he overlooked my presumption, it's entirely possible that I'd hear God's grace coming thru loud & clear. Or maybe he's going to address it next week, I dunno. Plus, unless you're attending someone's personal manifesto lecture, I don't think it's wise to put a label on their theology based on one Sunday morning message.
There are some fantastic advantages to this setup. To begin with, we arrived late. We were not late on purpose, but it occurred to me on the way there that it was probably a good tactic if we were going to keep up our bad-church-visitor-ness. I think I will try to keep being very-slightly-late until I get motivated to show up on time. But guess what? When you go to church at the mall on Sunday morning there's always plenty of parking, no matter how late you are.
Second, I don't know what the normal rental plans for movie theaters are, but this church occupied at least three "screens" that I'm aware of. Big church of course was in one. His Highness went to play with the toddlers in the front area of another, and in the process of finding the toddler room we managed to peek in on the kidz. They really spelled it that way on the signs, too. Because Z's are cool. That's all to say that there was plenty of room for everyone to spread out.
I was only mildly disappointed to find the concession stand closed. I think that would be a fantastic lure for unsuspecting seekers--free candy! It could be that there was free candy for those who showed up on time, but we'll never know. Unless we decide to show up on time, I guess.
In case I haven't mentioned it before, Cheyenne's population is very diverse in its occupation of the hipness & coolness spectrum. Up to now, we'd seen quite a variety of folks, but now we know that approximately 85% of the hip & cool people (the Christian ones, anyway) go to this church, and that most of them sit in the front section where no one likes to sit during a movie because of neck strain. Since we were late, we had to rely on the ushers to find us 2 open seats, which happened to be right among the hip & cool people. I did feel a touch more hip & cool after that.
So the general feel of this church is hip & cool, and not churchy at all, which as I've said before, is where we tend to gravitate. Rockin' music, casual feel, and all that. No one even turned to look when I got out my string cheese for a mid-morning munch. Most everyone was dressed casually, although I did notice a few ladies doing the nice-sweater-and pants thing, and one guy in the hip & cool section had a full suit on. Which was kinda cool. As I glanced around I spotted a sufficient number of tattoos to feel comfortable. The pastor was, like, a walking advertisement for hip & cool. Shaved head, cool specs, appropriately-distressed jeans. I thought I saw an earring in his left cartilage, but he had the cool earpiece-microphone in the way, so I couldn't tell for sure. He was also a walking advertisement for the church, as his (very hip & cool) shirt had the name of the church on it.
So, music--cool. Communion right after music--an interesting variation, but fine by me. They passed around these cool trays which held the cups and the bread, and the "bread" was a sort of hybrid between the thin wafers and Chiclets. I gotta say, I like when churches use real bread (French--yum), but since it's really about Jesus and not luscious loaves I got over it real quick. Besides, I still had my string cheese and was waiting until the message to break it out.
The message...sort of made me tired. The theme started out as "Lost," and finding one's place in God's kingdom, but then the pastor talked about the parable of the sown seeds, with the 4 different results, and whatnot. Which is an awesome passage, and I get what he was saying, I think. I'm not sure how it related to the "Lost" theme, but what it boiled down to was "Here are 4 different people. Don't be the bad three, be the good one!" and the he sort of left it there. And I sort of felt like saying, "How do I become the good one?" And anytime I'm left alone with that question it leaves me with the impression that I'm supposed to arbitrarily try harder, and the message of trying harder never sits well with me.
Now let me qualify this and say that I'm not in the best of places emotionally right now, so my perspective is likely skewed somewhat. Or a lot. If I cornered the pastor and started quizzing him about it, that would be rather presumptuous of me. But if I did it anyway, and if he overlooked my presumption, it's entirely possible that I'd hear God's grace coming thru loud & clear. Or maybe he's going to address it next week, I dunno. Plus, unless you're attending someone's personal manifesto lecture, I don't think it's wise to put a label on their theology based on one Sunday morning message.
Which brought us to the end of the service, the altar call which is possibly weekly but I don't know yet, and the shuffling to the entrance withOUT our feet sticking to the floor, which is almost unheard of in a movie theater and entirely pleasant. In going out we caught sight of the folks who sat in back (up in back--stadium seating, you know), and found a diversity more representative of the dynamic that is Cheyenne. Which tells me there are lotsa different types of folks who go to this church, which is a good sign to me. Letting people be themselves is a good thing, and different types of people all being comfortable together is even better.
We were supposed to get t-shirts for being new, but they were out. Truthfully, I was a little disappointed about that, because all the church tees I saw were really cool, and I can always use a cool tee.
Now the main drawback to doing church in a movie theater in the mall is simply the state of being a port-a-church. As we picked up His Highness we were both acutely aware of how much work these folks are putting into the weekly setup & teardown. The schlepping of the drums alone is quite a task. Which I believe is why they're not staying in the theater for long. They are currently working to get their new property ready, and at some point will be moving in there permanently. I have no idea what it looks like (although the chairs will be red--the pastor demo'd one today as part of his message illustration), but I know the relief of going from port-a-church to permanent home. It's nice, and I'm glad for them.
Anyway, I think we both liked it enough to come back, but I think personally I've got a long way to go as far as getting fully back into the church groove. Maybe not before I start attending regularly, but probably before I get solidly plugged in. I felt like I had a deer-in-the-headlights look about me for the first 10 minutes or so (Wait--what? I'm standing, and there's music, and I know I'm supposed to do something. Oh right, sing), before I relaxed a little into the worship songs. Maybe it's just the disequilibrium of being in a new place. Or the first-trimester-queasiness. Or the perceived pressure of finding a place to belong in an area where I don't quite feel like I belong. Who knows, but I think next time I'll bring along some Tums...
Jun 2, 2008
Church Hunting--Fourth Time's a Charm...
Yesterday we ventured up to Santa Maria for church. I had resisted leaving Lompoc city limits for church, since I really dislike having to drive more than 15 minutes to church--too easy to use the drive as an excuse to stay home. But we'd seen a church in passing that looked interesting, if nothing else. It was situated in an old storefront (or some sort of pre-existing, non-church building), with its name displayed prominently in the front, and more or less graffiti'd in the upper corner of a part of the building which looked like a warehouse (I never did find out what's in that part of the building, come to think of it--nothing we saw indoors looked at all warehouse-y). At first, when I saw it out of the corner of my eye I thought "Oh man, can't people at least respect a church and leave it alone with the graffiti," but then I looked closer and realized it was put there on purpose. Only then did I contemplate the unlikelihood that taggers would go to the trouble to access the top corner of a building. I'm smart that way.
Having seen the church from the outside, we looked it up online and thought "This church is either right up our alley or totally lame." It looked promising enough that we were leaning toward the former, though, so we decided to give it a shot.
I've always thought of myself as fairly traditional when it comes to a lot of things, but you know what I realized? I can tolerate and even appreciate more traditional church settings, but when it comes to my own church I really prefer the non-churchy feel. I've always known I like casual, but doggone it if I'm not almost Emergent in my church-atmosphere preferences. Take that with a grain of salt though, because I'm still figuring out exactly what Emergent means. I don't like different merely for different's sake, and I don't like entertaining the congregation in order to fill the seats as a goal. I do like wearing jeans and not getting any guff about it, and I don't like having to revert to my Christianese and code-words (even better if people'll tell me to knock it off when I do it without realizing), and I really, really enjoy rowdy, rock-y music. Don't get me wrong, I like hymns and quiet songs too, and even many of the traditional stand-bys you can hear pretty much anywhere. I'm a drummer though, so there's gotta be some livelies in there. And it has to be quality music. I'll take well done hymns over fast crap any day. And there don't have to be drums in every song either...a time & place for everything. And I like hearing messages about Jesus and God, rather than motivational/how-to lectures on how I can try harder and get better results (tried that already; it doesn't work).
Oh, and something else I found, which I thought was a bit odd of me. I'm not into tattoos or piercings beyond my ears, but when I see that a certain percentage of the congregation has visible or even prominent tattoos, it puts me at ease. None of this "well you have tattoos but we'll let you in anyway." More like "Oh, you have tattoos? We didn't even notice. You should talk to so-and-so, (s)he's really into the body art." That's probably weird on my part, but whatever.
And don't even get me started about the pastors. I like to think I'm flexible when it comes to personality and speaking style, but (s)he must have a normal-person vibe and a willingness to say "this is what I struggle with right now," as opposed to "I used to struggle, but now I don't because I'm fixed now. Completely. And you can be like me someday if you do this and that!" Bonus points for occasional snarkiness and/or an extensive knowledge of silly camp songs.
Anyway, I'm sure I've blogged about this sort of thing before, but every time I church hunt it gets dragged out again, and I end up re-evaluating to see what I still feel the same about, what's changed, and whatnot.
SO--Element Christian Church. Yep, I liked it so much I'm revealing the name. Here's a link, even.
I tried to give a quick rundown but it just can't be done. So I'll just give my personal highlights.
--When we were greeted at the front, we asked where the nursery was. We were shown to the nursery and told, "you can take your son in now, or you can keep him with you for the first few songs, or you can keep him with you the whole time." Which I haven't done since he was about 3 weeks old, but I get put off by anything other than a full welcoming of kids into the service. If they are disruptive, a parent should absolutely take them out, but even though I'm pretty sure the intention is good I just have trouble with "children are expected to go to the provided programs," and other such phrases. Too close to a rule for my tastes, and I'll decide where I want my kid to spend his church time, thanks, and if you don't let them in now, what's going to make them want to come to big-church when they're older?
We provided the required contact info, and dropped him off then since he was quite content to play with the nice ladies and cool toys. Actually he cried some, but it was also right around naptime, so that's that. Main point: my kid was welcome anywhere I was, and I appreciated it.
--The music was along the lines of what we did at our church in Mass. Band, vocals, blah blah blah. A matter of taste; that's all. And there was a chick guitarist who was really good. Which again is not a make or break thing. It was just really, really cool. It was good music. And solid music. No fluffy "you are the clouds" stuff that is hovering around out in the world of contemporary Christian music. And singable by the masses, which worship leaders can forget to consider sometimes. Out of the 5 songs or so, I was familiar with 3-4 of them, so that was nice
--I felt welcomed, yet not stalked. "Oh look, visitors! Quick, everyone converge on them!" Nothing like that. No connect flaps to eschew, although we provided all of our contact info to the nursery, "in case there's an earthquake," which may well be their method of information gathering. Come on, earthquake? What kind of lame excuse--oh wait. That's not a bad idea. So dual purposes--protect my kid, have the ability to recruit me for potluck duty. Fair enough.
--I really liked the message. I even took notes, and I never take notes. It helped that the topic was on "straining gnats to swallow camels," which I've been reading and contemplating about lately. The pastor was oh-so-casual in his jeans and lightweight sweater. I couldn't have picked him out of a crowd, except for the wireless mic clipped to his shirt. My only complaint was that he came across as a little disjointed in his speaking. What he had to say was fantastic; he could've done it with fewer rabbit trails, that's all. And he was too punny. Funny = good. Too punny = trying too hard.
--They did communion. I like when churches do communion more than once a quarter or once a month, even. They had several communion stations about the room, and during the communion song people got up and helped themselves. And they had wine and grape juice, which I've never encountered but thought was kind of cool.
Here's the thing though. For all the puns, & rabbit trails, and a smattering of Greek thrown in, and all the other externals I noticed, the pastor said some key things I really liked:
Having seen the church from the outside, we looked it up online and thought "This church is either right up our alley or totally lame." It looked promising enough that we were leaning toward the former, though, so we decided to give it a shot.
I've always thought of myself as fairly traditional when it comes to a lot of things, but you know what I realized? I can tolerate and even appreciate more traditional church settings, but when it comes to my own church I really prefer the non-churchy feel. I've always known I like casual, but doggone it if I'm not almost Emergent in my church-atmosphere preferences. Take that with a grain of salt though, because I'm still figuring out exactly what Emergent means. I don't like different merely for different's sake, and I don't like entertaining the congregation in order to fill the seats as a goal. I do like wearing jeans and not getting any guff about it, and I don't like having to revert to my Christianese and code-words (even better if people'll tell me to knock it off when I do it without realizing), and I really, really enjoy rowdy, rock-y music. Don't get me wrong, I like hymns and quiet songs too, and even many of the traditional stand-bys you can hear pretty much anywhere. I'm a drummer though, so there's gotta be some livelies in there. And it has to be quality music. I'll take well done hymns over fast crap any day. And there don't have to be drums in every song either...a time & place for everything. And I like hearing messages about Jesus and God, rather than motivational/how-to lectures on how I can try harder and get better results (tried that already; it doesn't work).
Oh, and something else I found, which I thought was a bit odd of me. I'm not into tattoos or piercings beyond my ears, but when I see that a certain percentage of the congregation has visible or even prominent tattoos, it puts me at ease. None of this "well you have tattoos but we'll let you in anyway." More like "Oh, you have tattoos? We didn't even notice. You should talk to so-and-so, (s)he's really into the body art." That's probably weird on my part, but whatever.
And don't even get me started about the pastors. I like to think I'm flexible when it comes to personality and speaking style, but (s)he must have a normal-person vibe and a willingness to say "this is what I struggle with right now," as opposed to "I used to struggle, but now I don't because I'm fixed now. Completely. And you can be like me someday if you do this and that!" Bonus points for occasional snarkiness and/or an extensive knowledge of silly camp songs.
Anyway, I'm sure I've blogged about this sort of thing before, but every time I church hunt it gets dragged out again, and I end up re-evaluating to see what I still feel the same about, what's changed, and whatnot.
SO--Element Christian Church. Yep, I liked it so much I'm revealing the name. Here's a link, even.
I tried to give a quick rundown but it just can't be done. So I'll just give my personal highlights.
--When we were greeted at the front, we asked where the nursery was. We were shown to the nursery and told, "you can take your son in now, or you can keep him with you for the first few songs, or you can keep him with you the whole time." Which I haven't done since he was about 3 weeks old, but I get put off by anything other than a full welcoming of kids into the service. If they are disruptive, a parent should absolutely take them out, but even though I'm pretty sure the intention is good I just have trouble with "children are expected to go to the provided programs," and other such phrases. Too close to a rule for my tastes, and I'll decide where I want my kid to spend his church time, thanks, and if you don't let them in now, what's going to make them want to come to big-church when they're older?
We provided the required contact info, and dropped him off then since he was quite content to play with the nice ladies and cool toys. Actually he cried some, but it was also right around naptime, so that's that. Main point: my kid was welcome anywhere I was, and I appreciated it.
--The music was along the lines of what we did at our church in Mass. Band, vocals, blah blah blah. A matter of taste; that's all. And there was a chick guitarist who was really good. Which again is not a make or break thing. It was just really, really cool. It was good music. And solid music. No fluffy "you are the clouds" stuff that is hovering around out in the world of contemporary Christian music. And singable by the masses, which worship leaders can forget to consider sometimes. Out of the 5 songs or so, I was familiar with 3-4 of them, so that was nice
--I felt welcomed, yet not stalked. "Oh look, visitors! Quick, everyone converge on them!" Nothing like that. No connect flaps to eschew, although we provided all of our contact info to the nursery, "in case there's an earthquake," which may well be their method of information gathering. Come on, earthquake? What kind of lame excuse--oh wait. That's not a bad idea. So dual purposes--protect my kid, have the ability to recruit me for potluck duty. Fair enough.
--I really liked the message. I even took notes, and I never take notes. It helped that the topic was on "straining gnats to swallow camels," which I've been reading and contemplating about lately. The pastor was oh-so-casual in his jeans and lightweight sweater. I couldn't have picked him out of a crowd, except for the wireless mic clipped to his shirt. My only complaint was that he came across as a little disjointed in his speaking. What he had to say was fantastic; he could've done it with fewer rabbit trails, that's all. And he was too punny. Funny = good. Too punny = trying too hard.
--They did communion. I like when churches do communion more than once a quarter or once a month, even. They had several communion stations about the room, and during the communion song people got up and helped themselves. And they had wine and grape juice, which I've never encountered but thought was kind of cool.
Here's the thing though. For all the puns, & rabbit trails, and a smattering of Greek thrown in, and all the other externals I noticed, the pastor said some key things I really liked:
- Worship is more about what happens outside of the church than inside it.
- As Christians we take God's grace & hope, and give it to others.
- Scripture is not about religion; it is about becoming who God made us to be.
And he backed all of that up with talk about the various ministries they are forming or getting involved in within the community (and abroad). There was a prominent "we're all in this together and everyone has something to contribute" feel there. I liked that.
See? Good stuff there!
Afterward we hung around for a little bit--mostly to let His Highness run off some steam and endear himself to everyone he met--and then we headed home. I think the Cat Daddy agreed that this is by far our favorite. Whatever it is we were missing at the other three places...I think we might have found here. And I think the difference is the churchiness. The Foursquare and Calvary churches, in my opinion, had an awkwardness about them, almost as if each wasn't quite comfortable in its own identity as a church. Even the Nazarene church, which was a lot more comfortable and friendly, and had halfway decent music...none was a bad church, but they were all still churchy church to some degree.
Tragically, for all my excitement and gushing, I don't see us plugging in and immersing ourselves in the Element community. We like it enough that I'm sure we'll go back, but the reality of our short tenure is staring us in the face. We are now past the halfway point, and one major focus in the next two and a half months will be getting from Lompoc to Cheyenne, and all the logistics involved with that. Bummer.
It's still encouraging though. The mere fact of Element's existence gives me hope for the hunt for church in WY. If I can figure out the pastor's name I might even ask about Element's story, and if he knows anything about Wyoming and/or churches there. You never know...
May 4, 2008
Church Hunting--The Third...
Did I mention I hate church hunting?
Last week I was in Phoenix for a family reunion (among other things), so I took the opportunity to attend what I still consider our home church, even though we haven't lived there in almost 7 years (!). I tried to think of how I could describe precisely what I love about the place, but I couldn't come up with words. Sorry. In more general terms, I love that they are all about grace, and healing, and love. And I love that every time I visit they tell me how cool I am (come on, who wouldn't love that?). And I think the crux of it all is that ODF was where I more or less grew up, spiritually speaking. So in that way it will probably always be home. Unless they go completely berserk and try to make me handle snakes or drink the Kool-Aid; then I'll turn and walk right out the door.
I wasn't playing on the music team that day, so I didn't have to leave the house at the crack of dawn. Showed up for second service and then stayed for a third hour class--a group I used to belong to, except back in the day they met on a weeknight and now they meet Sunday mornings which I think works out great. Nothing you'd think of as out of the ordinary, but at the same time all I dreamed and more. Saw lots of people I know, did a lot of hugging and repeating the sentence "We live in California now, but only until August, when we move to Wyoming." It was actually kind of fun to watch people's reactions to that one. The vast majority countered with an underwhelmed "Wow. Wyoming." One lady almost swooned, however, saying "I love Wyoming!" and told me how she'd always wanted to go there, and actually got to go to Laramie some time back. So I told her anytime she wants to go back she can stay with us in Cheyenne. The other person was the worship pastor, who had known Minot was on our short list. Having lived in Minot for a time when he was younger, he was as excited to hear it was "not Minot" as we had been. Always good to have someone who understands firsthand!
I think if I try to describe things any further I'll come off sounding like some sort of crazed groupie. Which is kind of weird when one is talking about a church, but I guess when it comes to our home church I am a bit of a crazed groupie. So I'll just leave that one right there...
Which brings us to this week. Today was local church number three--one of several Calvary Chapels in our area. I know of Calvary Chapels, but I had never been to one. Though prior to our time here I had also never been to a Foursquare or Nazarene church, so it is a series of firsts for me as far as denominations go. This is less remarkable than it sounds, since we gravitate toward places that are less demonstrative in their denominationalism (that is a word. I looked it up). We pick up on general nuances, but there aren't the drastic differences one would encounter at some of the more denominationally hardcore places.
Hmmm, what can I say...friendly, incredibly well-meaning and sincere people. Some of them pretty hip, even. Kind of awkward as far as everything else goes. It was a small-ish place, which doesn't mean much, since our last church was small and was completely not awkward. The music was an unplugged set, which I normally really enjoy. The pastor wore a Hawaiian shirt. The Cat Daddy said "What's with everyone wearing Hawaiian shirts?" and I said "We live in California. They do that here. They do that in Arizona too, by the way." Then the message. I'm going to tread lightly here. From a purely technical standpoint, it was a maze of rabbit trails. Kind of hard to follow. That's all I can say about it, because a few minutes into it the Cat Daddy leaned over and whispered "98...99...100..." I whispered "What are you counting?" and he said "The number of times the pastor turns 45 degrees right or left." The pastor was leaning on the lectern with one elbow, and sure enough every few seconds he would turn to the other side and shift his weight to the other elbow. Leave it to the Cat Daddy to find such a fascinating distraction.
As usual, His Highness had a wonderful time in the nursery. When we went to pick him up he was sitting in a toy boat, muching on a Saltine. He gave us a cursory greeting, but found it necessary to finish his cracker before coming over for the usual hugs and such. So he really enjoyed himself.
So that was that I guess. I dunno, the theme songs at the Nazarene church are sounding better all the time...
Last week I was in Phoenix for a family reunion (among other things), so I took the opportunity to attend what I still consider our home church, even though we haven't lived there in almost 7 years (!). I tried to think of how I could describe precisely what I love about the place, but I couldn't come up with words. Sorry. In more general terms, I love that they are all about grace, and healing, and love. And I love that every time I visit they tell me how cool I am (come on, who wouldn't love that?). And I think the crux of it all is that ODF was where I more or less grew up, spiritually speaking. So in that way it will probably always be home. Unless they go completely berserk and try to make me handle snakes or drink the Kool-Aid; then I'll turn and walk right out the door.
I wasn't playing on the music team that day, so I didn't have to leave the house at the crack of dawn. Showed up for second service and then stayed for a third hour class--a group I used to belong to, except back in the day they met on a weeknight and now they meet Sunday mornings which I think works out great. Nothing you'd think of as out of the ordinary, but at the same time all I dreamed and more. Saw lots of people I know, did a lot of hugging and repeating the sentence "We live in California now, but only until August, when we move to Wyoming." It was actually kind of fun to watch people's reactions to that one. The vast majority countered with an underwhelmed "Wow. Wyoming." One lady almost swooned, however, saying "I love Wyoming!" and told me how she'd always wanted to go there, and actually got to go to Laramie some time back. So I told her anytime she wants to go back she can stay with us in Cheyenne. The other person was the worship pastor, who had known Minot was on our short list. Having lived in Minot for a time when he was younger, he was as excited to hear it was "not Minot" as we had been. Always good to have someone who understands firsthand!
I think if I try to describe things any further I'll come off sounding like some sort of crazed groupie. Which is kind of weird when one is talking about a church, but I guess when it comes to our home church I am a bit of a crazed groupie. So I'll just leave that one right there...
Which brings us to this week. Today was local church number three--one of several Calvary Chapels in our area. I know of Calvary Chapels, but I had never been to one. Though prior to our time here I had also never been to a Foursquare or Nazarene church, so it is a series of firsts for me as far as denominations go. This is less remarkable than it sounds, since we gravitate toward places that are less demonstrative in their denominationalism (that is a word. I looked it up). We pick up on general nuances, but there aren't the drastic differences one would encounter at some of the more denominationally hardcore places.
Hmmm, what can I say...friendly, incredibly well-meaning and sincere people. Some of them pretty hip, even. Kind of awkward as far as everything else goes. It was a small-ish place, which doesn't mean much, since our last church was small and was completely not awkward. The music was an unplugged set, which I normally really enjoy. The pastor wore a Hawaiian shirt. The Cat Daddy said "What's with everyone wearing Hawaiian shirts?" and I said "We live in California. They do that here. They do that in Arizona too, by the way." Then the message. I'm going to tread lightly here. From a purely technical standpoint, it was a maze of rabbit trails. Kind of hard to follow. That's all I can say about it, because a few minutes into it the Cat Daddy leaned over and whispered "98...99...100..." I whispered "What are you counting?" and he said "The number of times the pastor turns 45 degrees right or left." The pastor was leaning on the lectern with one elbow, and sure enough every few seconds he would turn to the other side and shift his weight to the other elbow. Leave it to the Cat Daddy to find such a fascinating distraction.
As usual, His Highness had a wonderful time in the nursery. When we went to pick him up he was sitting in a toy boat, muching on a Saltine. He gave us a cursory greeting, but found it necessary to finish his cracker before coming over for the usual hugs and such. So he really enjoyed himself.
So that was that I guess. I dunno, the theme songs at the Nazarene church are sounding better all the time...
Apr 15, 2008
Special Music...
Church hunting has, in fact, gotten old real quick. This past week I found myself attending church solo, so I went back to the Nazarene church. Yes that's right folks, I'm a total wuss when it comes to attending new churches by myself. In short, I don't do it.
Snarky critiques aside, I thought more about why we haven't settled on this one. It's not a bad place. Sure the opening & closing theme songs are a little...different than we're used to, but the teaching is solidly Biblical, if a little bland. Hard to put a finger on what we're looking for but haven't found yet. Especially because we've still only been to 2 places.
So anyway, I slipped in & out quickly & quietly, so as not to draw attention to myself. I'm really enjoying being a "bad" visitor...evading greeters & connect flaps, arriving just before church starts & making a beeline for the door afterward, saving my conversational skills for the restroom (literally; for once I'm not talking about bathroom humor). Besides, no one here seems to have the free food hospitality hour afterward, like we're used to. That's more of an observation than an excuse, by the way.
I did see the assistant from my PT's office from a distance. Then at my appointment yesterday I freaked her out by saying "Hey I saw you at church Sunday." That was fun.
Following Pastor T's advice, I've been reading the Field Guide for inspiration and search tips. This is one of my favorite passages--
"While the tithes and offerings are received (or taken), many churches allow a soloist to perform a song. Welcome to the Desperate Housewives portion of the service when, after practicing for weeks in her car, a woman with a painful lack of talent also demonstrates her inability to evaluate her own skill sets. When she's finished dissecting your inner cortex with her tongue and everyone applauds, she'll point to heaven, blaming God for her voice."
Snarky critiques aside, I thought more about why we haven't settled on this one. It's not a bad place. Sure the opening & closing theme songs are a little...different than we're used to, but the teaching is solidly Biblical, if a little bland. Hard to put a finger on what we're looking for but haven't found yet. Especially because we've still only been to 2 places.
So anyway, I slipped in & out quickly & quietly, so as not to draw attention to myself. I'm really enjoying being a "bad" visitor...evading greeters & connect flaps, arriving just before church starts & making a beeline for the door afterward, saving my conversational skills for the restroom (literally; for once I'm not talking about bathroom humor). Besides, no one here seems to have the free food hospitality hour afterward, like we're used to. That's more of an observation than an excuse, by the way.
I did see the assistant from my PT's office from a distance. Then at my appointment yesterday I freaked her out by saying "Hey I saw you at church Sunday." That was fun.
Following Pastor T's advice, I've been reading the Field Guide for inspiration and search tips. This is one of my favorite passages--
"While the tithes and offerings are received (or taken), many churches allow a soloist to perform a song. Welcome to the Desperate Housewives portion of the service when, after practicing for weeks in her car, a woman with a painful lack of talent also demonstrates her inability to evaluate her own skill sets. When she's finished dissecting your inner cortex with her tongue and everyone applauds, she'll point to heaven, blaming God for her voice."
Mar 30, 2008
Reverse C & E Christians...
We ditched church today. But that's not the important thing.
The important thing is that we ditched church last week, Easter Sunday. We had planned on going. I even ironed, and wore a skirt, and everything. When it came time to leave, however, His Highness was in the middle of a nap, and instead of waking him up to go, we decided to let him sleep. To be honest, I don't think either of us was feeling particularly motivated to try a new church on Easter. Long story, hard to explain, blah blah blah.
This is the second major holiday in a row that we've missed church. Just this last Christmas (Eve), about half our extended family was sick and, despite a valiant effort to get there, in the end we didn't make it.
So while there are some who don't attend church except on Christmas and Easter (affectionately referred to as "C & E Christians" in evangelical circles), our general pattern it seems is to attend most every week except Christmas and Easter, making us reverse C & E Christians.
Other snippets from the week--
--I found myself feeling a little bit sad about being here in CA only 5 months (just over 4 remaining, actually). I might be falling in love with the central coast. This is rather remarkable, given my history with new places. Usually it takes some time for them to grow on me. So I'm a little bummed out that the one I instantly love is our most short-term station thus far. Sometimes I wonder what God has in mind about that--letting us spend a lot of time in places that take some getting used to, and only a little time where I'd love to spend a lot of time. He's God though, so...
--His Highness and I went down to Santa Barbara yesterday. We needed to hit Barnes & Noble, and found it smack in the middle of downtown. This place has personality, lemme tell ya. The streets were packed, so we parked in a garage and took to the sidewalk with the stroller. We tried the baby leash for, like, 2 minutes, but there were too many interesting things to see, and His Highness kept holding up traffic while he stopped to look. He was fascinated by the juggler, which the juggler was excited about--he said it was the most interest he'd had all day.
A word to the wise--Barnes & Noble's time limit for returns is now 2 weeks from purchase. Guess they had too many people doing the old buy-read-&-return.
We had a delicious and nutritionally void lunch of hot dogs and Luscious Lime shaved ice. His Highness didn't actually eat his corndog--only the breading. We stopped into a couple of shops and I came away with a picnic blanket and a hooded sweatshirt. I'd been hoping to stop at the beach on the way home, but in the end we didn't have time. Had to be back so the Cat Daddy and I could make it to our double date sans kiddos.
Another word to the wise--the Hitching Post in Casmalia has fantastic food. And wine, if you're into that sort of thing. Its 'brother' location in Buellton was the one in the movie "Sideways," but Casmalia is the home of the original. Casmalia is also the home of not much else, so the Hitching Post is hard to miss. Get the filet.
The important thing is that we ditched church last week, Easter Sunday. We had planned on going. I even ironed, and wore a skirt, and everything. When it came time to leave, however, His Highness was in the middle of a nap, and instead of waking him up to go, we decided to let him sleep. To be honest, I don't think either of us was feeling particularly motivated to try a new church on Easter. Long story, hard to explain, blah blah blah.
This is the second major holiday in a row that we've missed church. Just this last Christmas (Eve), about half our extended family was sick and, despite a valiant effort to get there, in the end we didn't make it.
So while there are some who don't attend church except on Christmas and Easter (affectionately referred to as "C & E Christians" in evangelical circles), our general pattern it seems is to attend most every week except Christmas and Easter, making us reverse C & E Christians.
Other snippets from the week--
--I found myself feeling a little bit sad about being here in CA only 5 months (just over 4 remaining, actually). I might be falling in love with the central coast. This is rather remarkable, given my history with new places. Usually it takes some time for them to grow on me. So I'm a little bummed out that the one I instantly love is our most short-term station thus far. Sometimes I wonder what God has in mind about that--letting us spend a lot of time in places that take some getting used to, and only a little time where I'd love to spend a lot of time. He's God though, so...
--His Highness and I went down to Santa Barbara yesterday. We needed to hit Barnes & Noble, and found it smack in the middle of downtown. This place has personality, lemme tell ya. The streets were packed, so we parked in a garage and took to the sidewalk with the stroller. We tried the baby leash for, like, 2 minutes, but there were too many interesting things to see, and His Highness kept holding up traffic while he stopped to look. He was fascinated by the juggler, which the juggler was excited about--he said it was the most interest he'd had all day.
A word to the wise--Barnes & Noble's time limit for returns is now 2 weeks from purchase. Guess they had too many people doing the old buy-read-&-return.
We had a delicious and nutritionally void lunch of hot dogs and Luscious Lime shaved ice. His Highness didn't actually eat his corndog--only the breading. We stopped into a couple of shops and I came away with a picnic blanket and a hooded sweatshirt. I'd been hoping to stop at the beach on the way home, but in the end we didn't have time. Had to be back so the Cat Daddy and I could make it to our double date sans kiddos.
Another word to the wise--the Hitching Post in Casmalia has fantastic food. And wine, if you're into that sort of thing. Its 'brother' location in Buellton was the one in the movie "Sideways," but Casmalia is the home of the original. Casmalia is also the home of not much else, so the Hitching Post is hard to miss. Get the filet.
Mar 16, 2008
Church Hunting--The Second (Faith Is a Verb)...
I still hate church hunting.
But today was fantastic, as far as church hunting goes. It was downright fun, even. I’m pretty sure this is because I let the Cat Daddy do the research. It’s becoming more & more apparent that in addition to hating church hunting, I’m also not very good at it. I had Googled some local churches, but everything I came up with was Baptist. Very Baptist (not that there’s anything wrong with that). And overrun by old people (again, nothing personal to the old people—I just don’t want to be one of 5 people under 30 in any given church. Oh wait--under 35). I was feeling pretty low by mid-week, and contemplating the benefit of going to all this effort for five measly months. Frankly, I’m pretty sure the benefit will be one of those things that you don’t perceive at the time. Or maybe ever.
But at this point I still think it's worthwhile, so I was describing all of this to the Cat Daddy, and he decided to take a turn online & see what he could find for church listings. And he came up with a small list of options that looked promising or, at the very least, didn’t suck.
So for this week we chose the local Nazarene church. It turns out they run the local Christian hard rock radio station, so we figured at the very least they’re open to edginess. Their website stressed that they are a Purpose Driven Church, and had key words and phrases such as “come as you are” (ie, “we won’t take your jeans as a sign of disrespect”) and the pastor was wearing a Hawaiian shirt in his photo (ie, “I love California and Rick Warren”). Personally, the clincher for me was where the site stated, “You owe it to yourself…” to give them a try. So by all means we gave them a try.
Of course we started sizing up the place as soon as we drove into the parking lot. Right off, the Cat Daddy simply said “mass appeal.” We saw quite a mix of ages and appearances. Some dressed up, some dressed down, young people, and old people, and people in the middle. It was a good-sized church, but not huge. Big enough that they referred to their property as a campus, and that we new folks didn’t stick out like a sore thumb.
First we dropped His Highness off at the nursery, where I was pleased to find that they do diapers. We then hit the welcome table to peruse the pamphlets and paraphernalia before finding our seats with time to spare. I tried to convey a general air of “I belong here,” so as to avoid any sort of greeter-onslaught.
The music was upbeat and contemporary. Not as edgy as the radio station, but still pretty darn peppy. I would say on the order of our home church in AZ (possibly one of the best churches ever). People were free to groove as the Spirit led, and there was a corporate propensity for clapping. No brass section this time, but a good-sized band, which the pastor was part of--something I know is common with a lot of pastors, but which I haven’t seen a lot of in my experiences.
And dude, they had a theme song. As soon as the music picked up to kick off the service, everyone stood and clapped in perfect timing and, even more remarkably, sang fully and in unison. You just knew that they sing this same song as the opener every week. I don’t remember the words, but it was more or less an opening prayer set to music, with the church’s name inserted at points. Just to clarify precisely where God should show up. Then a couple of upbeat worship tunes (neither of which we knew, but that's OK) before the pastor launched into the message.
They were in the middle of a series leading up to Easter Sunday, so today’s message involved the whole Palm Sunday thing. I believe the main idea was Jesus as the Son of God. Which is good, because we believe he is, so we were in good company. The pastor had a conversational tone, with bits of humor inserted throughout—very pleasant to listen to.
And let me say first that overall the message was just fine. No red flags or heresies—grace-filled, Jesus-centered; all the things that you’d want in a sermon or message.
Cynic that I am, however, I managed to make a few snide remarks along the way. At one point the pastor was emphasizing the importance of not just “having” faith, but living it out in one’s daily life. Which I get. The way he conveyed this, however, was to say “Faith is a verb,” at which point I looked quizzically at the Cat Daddy and said, “No it’s not.” We briefly debated the grammatical nature of the word “faith” (quietly, since we were aware of folks sitting in front of and behind us, and the pews were stacked fairly close together), and I made the point that you don’t say “I was out faithing today” or “I need to go faith that.” He replied “Boy, he really faithed that one up.” From there things could only go downhill, so I let it rest and tried to be less cynical and more teachable.
But honestly. ”Faith is a verb.” Not at all.
Up to this point I was relieved at how comfortable I felt. Definitely a good sign. When the pastor finished his message--this was where the unavoidably-hokey-to-outsiders took place. This week it was the special music/performance art. There were two music presentations, each including a subtle yet contemplative, almost-dramatic action of some sort by one or more of the musicians. The lady in the first presentation had such a velvety-smooth midrange voice that I could’ve sworn she was Karen Carpenter reincarnated (I do love the Carpenters). At any rate, the whole thing was very heartfelt, and the congregation seemed to enjoy it immensely.
The second presentation coincided with the offering collection, and I appreciated the fact that they had a variety of folks serving as ushers. To me, ushering is a low-risk ministry, a great way to let people plug in to a ministry without getting overwhelmed right off (and a way for the church leaders to get to know their people better--good for all). There were men, ladies, and even young punk kids wearing hooded sweatshirts.
Somewhere in there was a genuine altar call. Several people did come forward to receive Christ, and it got me to wondering about things like altar calls. Do you think that churches have ringers, to make people feel more comfortable about going up? I’m not saying I think any of these guys actually were ringers…it just occurred to me as a potentially-useful strategy. The regular members might know who were the ringers and who weren’t, but the visitors and newbies probably wouldn’t, and anyway there could be a whole ringer ministry, where volunteer ringers rotate responsibilities to minimize the chances of discovery. Anyway.
As for the offertory singer, she was very…emotive, and was given a standing ovation by a select few before the worship band returned to the stage amid the “turn and greet your neighbor” for two more worship songs which were in fact quite fun. So fun that after the second one I came dangerously close to giving the Lord a clap. Finally they had the closing theme song (Yes! Theme song! Different than the opening one!) and benediction. Then we flew out under the radar, picked up His Highness who was having oh so much fun in the ball pit (trying to eat the balls), and were on our way.
The Cat Daddy asked what I thought and I said “safe & comfortable.” He asked what on earth I meant because apparently when I say “safe,” it may or may not be a good thing. When it came down to it, I echoed his first impression—mass appeal. And I will admit I got pretty enthusiastic as the service went on (up until the special music/performance art). I felt comfortable & welcomed. Encouraged by the music and the message. People were friendly but gave us our space and were not overly forward, and didn’t seem to assume we were heathens, which I can get defensive about (No, really! I know Jesus! Listen to my buzzwords!).
We were reading in the bulletin that one of this church’s stated missions/goals is to build their local membership, and they certainly have all the right strategies in place for building numbers. I'm not a fan of building numbers for building numbers' sake, but to be fair it wasn't their only goal, but rather part of several goals within their overall mission statement. And anyway, there are good and bad points to any approach. The good part of this is what I mentioned at first—they have a mix of all ages & stages, something I appreciate more as I get older and less cool. The downfalls include the risk of having a range of fun programs with no real depth, and a tendency to gloss over the harder things of Christianity for the sake of visitor appeal. Neither of which can be gauged by one visit.
We came to the same conclusion as last week: we could come here and feel fairly comfortable (moreso, even, than with the 'Squares), but would still like to see what other options exist. We again lamented our short stay here, that it will not be long enough to really get plugged in anywhere. I had a brainstorm to make it my goal to go to a different church every week while we’re here—a fantastic potential for church stories—but we shall see what happens. Church hopping will likely get old quickly. But you never know…
But today was fantastic, as far as church hunting goes. It was downright fun, even. I’m pretty sure this is because I let the Cat Daddy do the research. It’s becoming more & more apparent that in addition to hating church hunting, I’m also not very good at it. I had Googled some local churches, but everything I came up with was Baptist. Very Baptist (not that there’s anything wrong with that). And overrun by old people (again, nothing personal to the old people—I just don’t want to be one of 5 people under 30 in any given church. Oh wait--under 35). I was feeling pretty low by mid-week, and contemplating the benefit of going to all this effort for five measly months. Frankly, I’m pretty sure the benefit will be one of those things that you don’t perceive at the time. Or maybe ever.
But at this point I still think it's worthwhile, so I was describing all of this to the Cat Daddy, and he decided to take a turn online & see what he could find for church listings. And he came up with a small list of options that looked promising or, at the very least, didn’t suck.
So for this week we chose the local Nazarene church. It turns out they run the local Christian hard rock radio station, so we figured at the very least they’re open to edginess. Their website stressed that they are a Purpose Driven Church, and had key words and phrases such as “come as you are” (ie, “we won’t take your jeans as a sign of disrespect”) and the pastor was wearing a Hawaiian shirt in his photo (ie, “I love California and Rick Warren”). Personally, the clincher for me was where the site stated, “You owe it to yourself…” to give them a try. So by all means we gave them a try.
Of course we started sizing up the place as soon as we drove into the parking lot. Right off, the Cat Daddy simply said “mass appeal.” We saw quite a mix of ages and appearances. Some dressed up, some dressed down, young people, and old people, and people in the middle. It was a good-sized church, but not huge. Big enough that they referred to their property as a campus, and that we new folks didn’t stick out like a sore thumb.
First we dropped His Highness off at the nursery, where I was pleased to find that they do diapers. We then hit the welcome table to peruse the pamphlets and paraphernalia before finding our seats with time to spare. I tried to convey a general air of “I belong here,” so as to avoid any sort of greeter-onslaught.
The music was upbeat and contemporary. Not as edgy as the radio station, but still pretty darn peppy. I would say on the order of our home church in AZ (possibly one of the best churches ever). People were free to groove as the Spirit led, and there was a corporate propensity for clapping. No brass section this time, but a good-sized band, which the pastor was part of--something I know is common with a lot of pastors, but which I haven’t seen a lot of in my experiences.
And dude, they had a theme song. As soon as the music picked up to kick off the service, everyone stood and clapped in perfect timing and, even more remarkably, sang fully and in unison. You just knew that they sing this same song as the opener every week. I don’t remember the words, but it was more or less an opening prayer set to music, with the church’s name inserted at points. Just to clarify precisely where God should show up. Then a couple of upbeat worship tunes (neither of which we knew, but that's OK) before the pastor launched into the message.
They were in the middle of a series leading up to Easter Sunday, so today’s message involved the whole Palm Sunday thing. I believe the main idea was Jesus as the Son of God. Which is good, because we believe he is, so we were in good company. The pastor had a conversational tone, with bits of humor inserted throughout—very pleasant to listen to.
And let me say first that overall the message was just fine. No red flags or heresies—grace-filled, Jesus-centered; all the things that you’d want in a sermon or message.
Cynic that I am, however, I managed to make a few snide remarks along the way. At one point the pastor was emphasizing the importance of not just “having” faith, but living it out in one’s daily life. Which I get. The way he conveyed this, however, was to say “Faith is a verb,” at which point I looked quizzically at the Cat Daddy and said, “No it’s not.” We briefly debated the grammatical nature of the word “faith” (quietly, since we were aware of folks sitting in front of and behind us, and the pews were stacked fairly close together), and I made the point that you don’t say “I was out faithing today” or “I need to go faith that.” He replied “Boy, he really faithed that one up.” From there things could only go downhill, so I let it rest and tried to be less cynical and more teachable.
But honestly. ”Faith is a verb.” Not at all.
Up to this point I was relieved at how comfortable I felt. Definitely a good sign. When the pastor finished his message--this was where the unavoidably-hokey-to-outsiders took place. This week it was the special music/performance art. There were two music presentations, each including a subtle yet contemplative, almost-dramatic action of some sort by one or more of the musicians. The lady in the first presentation had such a velvety-smooth midrange voice that I could’ve sworn she was Karen Carpenter reincarnated (I do love the Carpenters). At any rate, the whole thing was very heartfelt, and the congregation seemed to enjoy it immensely.
The second presentation coincided with the offering collection, and I appreciated the fact that they had a variety of folks serving as ushers. To me, ushering is a low-risk ministry, a great way to let people plug in to a ministry without getting overwhelmed right off (and a way for the church leaders to get to know their people better--good for all). There were men, ladies, and even young punk kids wearing hooded sweatshirts.
Somewhere in there was a genuine altar call. Several people did come forward to receive Christ, and it got me to wondering about things like altar calls. Do you think that churches have ringers, to make people feel more comfortable about going up? I’m not saying I think any of these guys actually were ringers…it just occurred to me as a potentially-useful strategy. The regular members might know who were the ringers and who weren’t, but the visitors and newbies probably wouldn’t, and anyway there could be a whole ringer ministry, where volunteer ringers rotate responsibilities to minimize the chances of discovery. Anyway.
As for the offertory singer, she was very…emotive, and was given a standing ovation by a select few before the worship band returned to the stage amid the “turn and greet your neighbor” for two more worship songs which were in fact quite fun. So fun that after the second one I came dangerously close to giving the Lord a clap. Finally they had the closing theme song (Yes! Theme song! Different than the opening one!) and benediction. Then we flew out under the radar, picked up His Highness who was having oh so much fun in the ball pit (trying to eat the balls), and were on our way.
The Cat Daddy asked what I thought and I said “safe & comfortable.” He asked what on earth I meant because apparently when I say “safe,” it may or may not be a good thing. When it came down to it, I echoed his first impression—mass appeal. And I will admit I got pretty enthusiastic as the service went on (up until the special music/performance art). I felt comfortable & welcomed. Encouraged by the music and the message. People were friendly but gave us our space and were not overly forward, and didn’t seem to assume we were heathens, which I can get defensive about (No, really! I know Jesus! Listen to my buzzwords!).
We were reading in the bulletin that one of this church’s stated missions/goals is to build their local membership, and they certainly have all the right strategies in place for building numbers. I'm not a fan of building numbers for building numbers' sake, but to be fair it wasn't their only goal, but rather part of several goals within their overall mission statement. And anyway, there are good and bad points to any approach. The good part of this is what I mentioned at first—they have a mix of all ages & stages, something I appreciate more as I get older and less cool. The downfalls include the risk of having a range of fun programs with no real depth, and a tendency to gloss over the harder things of Christianity for the sake of visitor appeal. Neither of which can be gauged by one visit.
We came to the same conclusion as last week: we could come here and feel fairly comfortable (moreso, even, than with the 'Squares), but would still like to see what other options exist. We again lamented our short stay here, that it will not be long enough to really get plugged in anywhere. I had a brainstorm to make it my goal to go to a different church every week while we’re here—a fantastic potential for church stories—but we shall see what happens. Church hopping will likely get old quickly. But you never know…
Church Hunting--Pastor T's Techniques...
I consulted Pastor T (from our most recent church) for some church hunting techniques. I was telling him about our experiences at the local Foursquare church, since he comes from a Foursquare background--and went to a Foursquare school, even--and would be able to offer unparalleled insight, except for perhaps Mrs T, who went to the same school. It's where they met.
I found his response to be most enlightening, especially when he reminded me about a fantastic reference I've got at my disposal, if only I can find which box it's hiding in.
So anyway what follows is his response, nearly verbatim--
Write that down, kids...
I found his response to be most enlightening, especially when he reminded me about a fantastic reference I've got at my disposal, if only I can find which box it's hiding in.
So anyway what follows is his response, nearly verbatim--
Foursquare makes me laugh. Really. That kind of light, almost-a-giggle-but-not-'cause-I'm-a-guy-and-guys-don't-giggle type of laugh...no, seriously, they're a good group of folks, but the "worship leader with hair that was formed from a plastic-injection mold" is actually quite typical within the denomination (I mean, let's be honest, the word "square" is built right in) and quite possibly a prerequisite for the position in general. I should know better, having been schooled in their awesome methodologies but I fear that I was sleeping on the day that the "creating a worship environment through strategic hair styles" lecture was given. Not that I can say much, since
my head right now resembles Tigger due to the youth group raising well past their fundraising goal. (Craig K. and I took one for the team) Anyway, our worship is kick-a$$, so they can
go Brillocream away and it shall not faze me.
By the way, feel free to use the "square" joke if you go back to visit, or in light conversation in general. For example, visit the church right down the road from them and remark, "Yeah,
we checked out [insert foursquare church name here] last week, and they seemed to be an ok bunch of 'Squares. Hey, do you serve the good donuts here? In my expert opinion, the quality of donut served tells a lot about what your church feels about visitors. That church we were at last week had weak donuts...which is why we're here with you today instead." Then nod knowingly, with an "insider" mannerism, as if you are sharing the greatest principle to all church growth and
outreach strategy while chomping into another donut.
The amazing thing is that not only will they laugh with you at the derogatory joke made at the expense of their "Christian Cousins" down the road, they will actually give consideration to your analysis of all their hospitality refreshment and do one of two things:
1) A successful church will try to steer you away from any "low-quality" baked goods and into the bookstore where you can find the latest copy of whatever new fad inspirational book has hit the market, thus reestablishing their position as the church in the know, and creating in you, the visitor, a sense that your spiritual welfare is in very well-kept, knowledgeable hands.
2) A struggling church will immediately explain that all items in the hospitality area are part of a missions outreach fundraising program and that though the store-bought goods may be cheap and low-quality, there is reassurance in remembering that it is still better than what "they" have and therefore we should all be grateful that we don't live in "that" part of the world.
Ahhhh...church.
I would recommend bringing out the Field Guide and brushing up on some of the finer points of visiting churches. Go in expecting the best, but when things take a turn, you'll be prepared for each encounter and will know how to escape.
Write that down, kids...
Church Hunting--The Prequel...
I wrote this blurb as part of my post a week ago, but decided it made it unnecessarily long. So here it is as a separate post...
Church is one of those things that, for some reason, the Cat Daddy and I pretty much have to do to feel like ourselves. I get fussy about saying "must" and "should" and such when it comes to God and his things. More often than not people turn perfectly healthy "shoulds" into some kind of point system where if they go to church, or [insert spiritual discipline here], or whatever, then they're on the "right track" or "right with God" or some quantifiable standard that God probably doesn't really care about. And/or they get all mixed up about the order of things and equate "church" with "God," and oh boy, you get into a whole other tangled mess when you can't distinguish between the two.
That said, there is the reality of cause and effect, and it tends to be that when Christians associate with other Christians there is a lot of encouragement and strength to give to each other...not to mention the healing and growth and all, that results from hanging around with people who are in the same place, or have been there and have wisdom to offer. Then there's the whole worship-thing...worshipping God is a good thing, and while you don't need to be in a church to do it, church does provide a set-aside time to deliberately focus on and meet with God. So that's good. So we go to church.
The hard part then, in my opinion, is finding a church that's a good fit. From my own Christian (Protestant?) perspective there are certain non-negotiables--a church has to believe in the Bible as a whole and not preach things that aren't in there (or if they do they should offer a disclaimer). Man's big-s-Sin, and needing forgiveness, Jesus dying on the cross and rising again, salvation by grace and not works, etc--all essential in a healthy Christian church.
Beyond that, there's a ton of room for personal tastes and whatnot. Dunk or sprinkle, frequency and methods of communion, service format, music and preaching style, overall church culture...the possibilities are endless. People, myself included, can get all bent out of shape about these finer points, so I do think it's a good idea to try to match yourself with folks who believe at least somewhat closely to what you do on at least some of these.
For example, my personal dealbreakers include snake handling, dress codes, and membership requirements. I have issues with dress codes--mainly a belief that they don't belong in church--so basically if there's any sort of dress code at all, I'm probably not going to stay because I couldn't submit and keep a happy heart about it. As for membership, it doesn't bother me, per se, but being somewhat of a transient-type, membership as a requirement for service and ministry just doesn't mesh with moving frequently. I'd be spending half my time in mandatory classes and trial periods. Yes, I do believe you should know and trust the people who are ministering in your church; I just don't believe sitting in a weekend class ensures such things. I wrote about this long ago, so I'm not getting into it now.
Snake handling...no way no how. Ever...
Church is one of those things that, for some reason, the Cat Daddy and I pretty much have to do to feel like ourselves. I get fussy about saying "must" and "should" and such when it comes to God and his things. More often than not people turn perfectly healthy "shoulds" into some kind of point system where if they go to church, or [insert spiritual discipline here], or whatever, then they're on the "right track" or "right with God" or some quantifiable standard that God probably doesn't really care about. And/or they get all mixed up about the order of things and equate "church" with "God," and oh boy, you get into a whole other tangled mess when you can't distinguish between the two.
That said, there is the reality of cause and effect, and it tends to be that when Christians associate with other Christians there is a lot of encouragement and strength to give to each other...not to mention the healing and growth and all, that results from hanging around with people who are in the same place, or have been there and have wisdom to offer. Then there's the whole worship-thing...worshipping God is a good thing, and while you don't need to be in a church to do it, church does provide a set-aside time to deliberately focus on and meet with God. So that's good. So we go to church.
The hard part then, in my opinion, is finding a church that's a good fit. From my own Christian (Protestant?) perspective there are certain non-negotiables--a church has to believe in the Bible as a whole and not preach things that aren't in there (or if they do they should offer a disclaimer). Man's big-s-Sin, and needing forgiveness, Jesus dying on the cross and rising again, salvation by grace and not works, etc--all essential in a healthy Christian church.
Beyond that, there's a ton of room for personal tastes and whatnot. Dunk or sprinkle, frequency and methods of communion, service format, music and preaching style, overall church culture...the possibilities are endless. People, myself included, can get all bent out of shape about these finer points, so I do think it's a good idea to try to match yourself with folks who believe at least somewhat closely to what you do on at least some of these.
For example, my personal dealbreakers include snake handling, dress codes, and membership requirements. I have issues with dress codes--mainly a belief that they don't belong in church--so basically if there's any sort of dress code at all, I'm probably not going to stay because I couldn't submit and keep a happy heart about it. As for membership, it doesn't bother me, per se, but being somewhat of a transient-type, membership as a requirement for service and ministry just doesn't mesh with moving frequently. I'd be spending half my time in mandatory classes and trial periods. Yes, I do believe you should know and trust the people who are ministering in your church; I just don't believe sitting in a weekend class ensures such things. I wrote about this long ago, so I'm not getting into it now.
Snake handling...no way no how. Ever...
Mar 9, 2008
Church Hunting--The First (grrr)...
I hate church hunting.
Selecting a church is a big deal and (in my opinion) requires much consideration and time, if one is to really integrate with the church community and be able to minister from his/her gifts and all that. Sort of like dating before marriage. Sort of.
Some people like dating, and it does have its place, but I prefer working from within marriage...so church hunting is a rather painful thing for me. You can't really skip the dating aspects, because that would be a little forward and would probably freak people out. No, you have to take it in order, and endure the chatting, and newcomer welcomes, and asking loaded questions to see where they really stand on certain things, since statements of belief can sound glorious and right up your alley, but then you find out the finer points are right out for you. Similar to the college girl who says "I wanna marry a man who's sold out to Christ, and really seeks him and can be a spiritual leader for our family," but then finds out that her really sold-out man is all of those things, but also disappears entirely during the college basketball season (where she hates sports), and thinks that she should stay home and raise 10 babies when she was thinking 2 would be plenty and she'd like to work after a while. She's better suited to a guy who is not only sold out, but also happens to want the same things out of life that she does.
That, but with church. Which brings us to the Cat Daddy's and my style. We tend to gravitate toward places where the target demographic (I love that term) is the young and hip 20-something. Ish. But we don't want all-out anarchy just for the sake of being different. The non-negotiables still have to be there as far as Biblical teaching goes (Jesus, our need for salvation, his death and resurrection, grace and not works, etc.). Further, now that His Highness is in the picture the kids' stuff is more of a factor. And there must be an overall feel of ragamuffin-ness, where I can be a little crazy and people won't balk. Because I just am.
I haven't even mentioned denominations--primarily because I think, especially as time goes on, that while a church's denomination might clue you in to some of the doctrinal nuances, it doesn't necessarily tell you anything at all about their overall feel. In the past 7 years I think I've been a part of churches in 2-3 denominations (this is including the historically-Baptist church that was comprised mainly of closet charismatics--very nice ones, I might add), along with 2 nondenominational churches, and my tastes haven't fluctuated THAT much. This is why I think the way I do about denominations.
So, today's experience was a local Foursquare church, which I consider along the charismatic-ish lines. The whole baptism-in-the-Holy-Spirit, speaking in tongues, physical healing-thing. More or less. Totally met the non-negotiables, and has a team-oriented focus, in that the members do a lot of initiating the various ministries and community outreach. And about half the men were wearing some form of Hawaiian shirt. Very cool and oh-so-California. We attended with some friends of ours who live in the local area, which made it somewhat less uncomfortable than usual.
Still, I sat there with the same pit in my stomach as I do every first Sunday in a new place, over-analyzing every song, word spoken, and outfit worn to get a feel for the place. Then I realized what I was doing & tried to stop. Then I thought I should be able to do it because dangit, I'm in transition. So I went to the bathroom during greeting time, didn't fill out a connect-flap, and eschewed the candy-containing welcome packets. I shook hands with the pastor (who seemed to be a very reasonable person) and answered all questions non-committally.
The sermon (message?) was fine. They emphasized the word "saved," they mentioned healing and such a couple times, and there was an encouragement of being all fired up in one's Christian walk. General idiosyncrasies you'll find in any charismatic-type church. But nothing terribly extreme--no one was screaming out in tongues, running up & down the aisles giggling, or passing out the lap cloths that they cover the ladies' legs with after being slain in the Spirit. Which I say with fondness and/or affection, because all it really means is that I'm getting better at observing people's denominational bents.
The worship team was big, as far as worship teams go. They had drums, percussion, guitars, bass, and several vocalists. They even had a brass section, for crying out loud. All in all over 10 people on stage. The music would be classified as "contemporary," but only in the same sense that Amy Grant and Twila Paris were contemporary in the 80's. Definitely not the edginess I've become accustomed to in the past couple years. I didn't know any of the songs, but they were more updated than the standard double-time choruses I've heard whenever I've gone to a charismatic(ish) church.
I have decided that when observing people doing spiritual and/or churchy things from an outsider's perspective, the spiritual and/or churchy things almost always come across as kind of hokey. I'm pretty sure this is all-but-unavoidable. Each church has its own little rituals and inside lingo, which are rightfully aimed at its members/regular attenders, and if you're not accustomed to them they can seem a little bizarre. Sort of like watching another couple call each other "pookie" and "muffin," and wanting to retch, while thinking nothing of calling your own partner "snoogums" and "puppykins." So I felt awkward, for example, when prompted to give the Lord a clap (I never clap for God. Long story.). But not offended or put-off.
Afterward we picked up His Highness from the nursery and bade our friends goodbye. Once we were in the car, the Cat Daddy asked what I thought. I replied by asking what he thought. He said "I loved it!" and I said "liar." Seriously though, I said that if we found no better fit, I could come here with confidence that it's a fairly healthy place and wouldn't harm us...but that it was the first Sunday and we should look at least a few more places to see what's out there. But no, it didn't scream "church home" to us, so the hunt will continue.
Thankfully, the hunt for good Mexican food has been infinitely easier. Today we tried another little local place, and again I nearly wept for joy at the sheer deliciousness of it all. The approach is straightforward, really--to find good Mexican food, go to places near Mexico. If you find real Mexican people running the shop, it's practically a shoo-in.
If only church were as simple...
Selecting a church is a big deal and (in my opinion) requires much consideration and time, if one is to really integrate with the church community and be able to minister from his/her gifts and all that. Sort of like dating before marriage. Sort of.
Some people like dating, and it does have its place, but I prefer working from within marriage...so church hunting is a rather painful thing for me. You can't really skip the dating aspects, because that would be a little forward and would probably freak people out. No, you have to take it in order, and endure the chatting, and newcomer welcomes, and asking loaded questions to see where they really stand on certain things, since statements of belief can sound glorious and right up your alley, but then you find out the finer points are right out for you. Similar to the college girl who says "I wanna marry a man who's sold out to Christ, and really seeks him and can be a spiritual leader for our family," but then finds out that her really sold-out man is all of those things, but also disappears entirely during the college basketball season (where she hates sports), and thinks that she should stay home and raise 10 babies when she was thinking 2 would be plenty and she'd like to work after a while. She's better suited to a guy who is not only sold out, but also happens to want the same things out of life that she does.
That, but with church. Which brings us to the Cat Daddy's and my style. We tend to gravitate toward places where the target demographic (I love that term) is the young and hip 20-something. Ish. But we don't want all-out anarchy just for the sake of being different. The non-negotiables still have to be there as far as Biblical teaching goes (Jesus, our need for salvation, his death and resurrection, grace and not works, etc.). Further, now that His Highness is in the picture the kids' stuff is more of a factor. And there must be an overall feel of ragamuffin-ness, where I can be a little crazy and people won't balk. Because I just am.
I haven't even mentioned denominations--primarily because I think, especially as time goes on, that while a church's denomination might clue you in to some of the doctrinal nuances, it doesn't necessarily tell you anything at all about their overall feel. In the past 7 years I think I've been a part of churches in 2-3 denominations (this is including the historically-Baptist church that was comprised mainly of closet charismatics--very nice ones, I might add), along with 2 nondenominational churches, and my tastes haven't fluctuated THAT much. This is why I think the way I do about denominations.
So, today's experience was a local Foursquare church, which I consider along the charismatic-ish lines. The whole baptism-in-the-Holy-Spirit, speaking in tongues, physical healing-thing. More or less. Totally met the non-negotiables, and has a team-oriented focus, in that the members do a lot of initiating the various ministries and community outreach. And about half the men were wearing some form of Hawaiian shirt. Very cool and oh-so-California. We attended with some friends of ours who live in the local area, which made it somewhat less uncomfortable than usual.
Still, I sat there with the same pit in my stomach as I do every first Sunday in a new place, over-analyzing every song, word spoken, and outfit worn to get a feel for the place. Then I realized what I was doing & tried to stop. Then I thought I should be able to do it because dangit, I'm in transition. So I went to the bathroom during greeting time, didn't fill out a connect-flap, and eschewed the candy-containing welcome packets. I shook hands with the pastor (who seemed to be a very reasonable person) and answered all questions non-committally.
The sermon (message?) was fine. They emphasized the word "saved," they mentioned healing and such a couple times, and there was an encouragement of being all fired up in one's Christian walk. General idiosyncrasies you'll find in any charismatic-type church. But nothing terribly extreme--no one was screaming out in tongues, running up & down the aisles giggling, or passing out the lap cloths that they cover the ladies' legs with after being slain in the Spirit. Which I say with fondness and/or affection, because all it really means is that I'm getting better at observing people's denominational bents.
The worship team was big, as far as worship teams go. They had drums, percussion, guitars, bass, and several vocalists. They even had a brass section, for crying out loud. All in all over 10 people on stage. The music would be classified as "contemporary," but only in the same sense that Amy Grant and Twila Paris were contemporary in the 80's. Definitely not the edginess I've become accustomed to in the past couple years. I didn't know any of the songs, but they were more updated than the standard double-time choruses I've heard whenever I've gone to a charismatic(ish) church.
I have decided that when observing people doing spiritual and/or churchy things from an outsider's perspective, the spiritual and/or churchy things almost always come across as kind of hokey. I'm pretty sure this is all-but-unavoidable. Each church has its own little rituals and inside lingo, which are rightfully aimed at its members/regular attenders, and if you're not accustomed to them they can seem a little bizarre. Sort of like watching another couple call each other "pookie" and "muffin," and wanting to retch, while thinking nothing of calling your own partner "snoogums" and "puppykins." So I felt awkward, for example, when prompted to give the Lord a clap (I never clap for God. Long story.). But not offended or put-off.
Afterward we picked up His Highness from the nursery and bade our friends goodbye. Once we were in the car, the Cat Daddy asked what I thought. I replied by asking what he thought. He said "I loved it!" and I said "liar." Seriously though, I said that if we found no better fit, I could come here with confidence that it's a fairly healthy place and wouldn't harm us...but that it was the first Sunday and we should look at least a few more places to see what's out there. But no, it didn't scream "church home" to us, so the hunt will continue.
Thankfully, the hunt for good Mexican food has been infinitely easier. Today we tried another little local place, and again I nearly wept for joy at the sheer deliciousness of it all. The approach is straightforward, really--to find good Mexican food, go to places near Mexico. If you find real Mexican people running the shop, it's practically a shoo-in.
If only church were as simple...
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