I know what the 'rules' are. I know that I can try and try, and think I have covered all the bases, and still come up short...and that it's just the way it is sometimes because I am an imperfect person in an imperfect world. I know that when I come upon a problem, the better way to deal with it is to attack it together instead of fighting against the other person. I know that everyone makes mistakes, that sooner or later everyone drops the ball on their responsibilities, and even that sometimes things happen beyond our control that leave us with a mess to clean up to make things right again.
And yet...every so often I feel so tired of fighting against the tide of life's difficult parts, and keeping my 'chin up' amid conflicts, and asserting my boundaries, and making the day-in-and-day-out-effort that it takes to be healthy. I have my moments where I hang my head in defeat because there's nothing more I can say or do. Right or wrong, there's no fight left in me. In those moments there is a hovering futility and I know that it is not my moment to be heard, to be understood...and that I need to let it go because that's how it goes sometimes.
I hate those moments.