Jul 11, 2009

All Boy...

I'm not sure what the expression "all boy" implies, exactly. I mean, I know what it implies about those to whom it refers, I'm just not sure what it implies about those who aren't all boy. Are they half or part boy? Can you round up, like 86.9%, and still be considered all boy? Or are all boys considered all-boy?

Well, regardless of the finer points of such a label, I would say that all the boys in my house are all boy, including Max the Perrier (that would be a poodle-terrier). I've never owned a boy-dog before him, and I'm getting quite the education. For example, it would appear that neutering (which presumably took place for him several years ago) does not necessarily completely prevent humping, marking, and other such behaviors. Actually I think we've eradicated the marking, at least in the house anyway, by putting in the wood floors. No matter what we did to the carpet, or how many doggie-spanks we gave, we could not get him to stop completely. Wood floors = done. As far as we can tell.

Which leaves the humping. That word has bothered me ever since about second grade when I learned it in the, um, physical sense. Wednesday, "hump" day? Forget it. I can't even talk about it. Sort of like the word "fart," which makes me giggle to this day every time I say it, except with "hump" I just blush. Anyway, with the female dogs it's easy to explain away as a dominance behavior. With the males it doesn't seem so clear-cut. All I know is that we need to make sure Max has his own stuffed animal to woo, and I am exposed to doggie boy-parts way more often than I ever wanted. A little embarrassing when company is over, but I can live with it to an extent. I try not to make a big deal out of it--I don't want to give the poor dog a complex or anything. So my response is usually something like, "Wow, having a moment, there, Max?" and then I avert the gaze because he looks sheepish when he's caught in the act.

So THEN add a two-year-old learning about words, and parts, and things, and it gets interesting. Yesterday I was changing the Littler One, and His Highness came in & said, "Max, mommy, poop." Which led me to begin the questions...

"Max pooped?"

"You pooped?"

"Who pooped? When you learn to use the potty we won't have to deal with poop in your diaper, you know." No pressure, just saying.

I assumed he probably needed a diaper change and didn't think much more about it. He avoids diaper changes like the plague. And yet he doesn't want to use the potty. Confounds the mind, that kid. I finished changing the Littler One and took him out to sit in the swing. Oh, but the sight that was there to greet us. Max and all his parts.

"Ohhhhh, Your Highness, were you saying that Max pooped?"


"No he didn't poop..." and we proceeded to talk about how boy dogs have boy-parts too, but they're different from people's parts, and how Max was having a private moment, and it was perfectly normal (this I'm trying to convince myself of), blah blah blah.

So then later in the day His Highness wanted to know where Max's parts went. This is like the blind leading the blind, as I never took doggie sex-ed, so I'm not even sure how it all works, but we deduced that probably everything was back inside Max's body. Which is where it belongs, as far as I'm concerned, but I didn't get into that with His Highness. A topic for another day...

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