Sep 18, 2007

The Grossest Thus Far...

It's my birthday today. I'm 30--yay me!

People keep asking me how I feel about hitting 30. I don't think I'm freaking out or anything. I did a bit of mental dealing-with-it a few months back, knowing the inevitable was approaching. Another rollover in the tens spot. Not to be a fatalist or anything, but in many ways it was just another day. Woke up, went to work, attended to His Highness's needs and whims. The Cat Daddy did take me out for lunch...Asian buffet and sushi. YUM. And he told me to skip the grocery shopping for today, since no one should have to grocery shop on their birthday. And then he picked up dinner so I didn't have to cook. Yum again.

I'm tellin' ya, he's a keeper.

So of course that's not the gross part. That came later, while His Highness and I were playing after dinner. He was crawling and climbing and laughing and, corny mom I am, I was playing baby paparazzi, chasing him around and trying to capture the ultimate in cute pics.

Lemme back up just a bit. This morning was bathtime, and while we were waiting for the water to warm up His Highness was crawling around the bathroom in, shall we say, the buff. One of his favorite things to do is pull to standing next to the toilet and bang on the lid with his hands. What could be more fun than that. I of course thought it was the cutest thing ever, and I wanted to go grab the camera for a few quick shots, but I have this terrible habit of getting sidetracked (Hey, a Reader's Digest! I'll just read a quick few pages. Oh, wait! I need to smush up those sweet potatoes...oh, man, I'll never finish sorting this pile of mail. I need to reorganize my files one of these days. We never have gotten a desk chair, come to think of it. Sooner or later we'll need to keep the dining chairs at the dining table. Holy crap, where'd the baby go...), so I thought it was in everyone's best interest to just stay put.

So THEN, tonight while we were playing, His Highness crawled his way into the bathroom wearing nothing but a diaper. So standing there holding the camera, I was struck with inspiration and took off his diaper. Just as I thought, he crawled right over to the toilet, stood up, and started banging away. Someday his girlfriend will just love the cute little bottom-shots. Awww.

And before too long of course, he peed on the floor. But that's not the gross part. He had the good sense to avoid the rugs, so it was a matter of some quick spot-mopping. What a good boy. He kept crawling and I kept snapping away. By this time he'd moved over to the cabinet and was using all the knobs for chewing and standing support. Boy was he in the moment. Concentrating, climbing, grunting...wait a sec. I smelled a familiar smell just as he moved to the side.

You guessed it, he pooped on the rug. And to make matters worse, he thought it was some very interesting stuff, so he was playing with it. Gross! Being in the bathroom and all, it was quite easy to turn on the water and pop him in the tub for today's Bath #2. To clean off the Number 2. While I found myself saying things like "Give me the poop. No, you may not taste the poop. Let go of the poop." But that's not the grossest part.

The grossest part is that Zoe, who'd been watching the whole scene, waited until I was quite occupied with making sure His Highness didn't eat any poop, then lunged for the quick-snag of a bit of poop off the rug. And with a hasty retreat and a satisfied grin, she gulped it down. I was disgusted.

While I know it's just the beginning of a lifelong game of "Grosser Than Gross," THAT is the grossest thing I've dealt with thus far.

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