From a safety brochure--
"Children should not see adults sticking anything other than bread products into a toaster."
Apr 21, 2006
Apr 19, 2006
As Promised...
We love our pets, really we do. It’s just that we’re not above having fun at their expense, as is obvious from Zoe's most recent pic.
A few weeks ago Mrs. Bee (my friend/neighbor) and I went yardsale shopping. Among the spectacular deals I found was a kids’ book for Little Bee to read when she comes over to my house. As you can see in the pic, the book itself is shaped like a kitten, and the story inside is illustrated with photographs of real kittens. It’s adorable, and Little Bee seems to dig it. And it was only twenty-five cents. I do love a bargain.
Poor Pim, on the other hand, is certain that we’ve gone off the deep end and added another crazed animal to the family. When the book is lying flat, he has no problem with it. Stand it up, however, and he crouches into a defensive position, ears back, growling.
Unfortunately for him, this is not the first time this has happened. At one time we were the guardians of “Flat Cat,” a lifesized cardboard cutout of a cat. How & why we had it is another story, but during Flat Cat’s tenure with us, we found that he was very convincing as a real kitty, at least to Pim. We’d stand Flat Cat up, and Pim would immediately begin with the growling and defensive posturing. We’d lie Flat Cat down, and Pim would suddenly be just fine, as if a switch had been flipped.
Such is the case with the new kitty book. It remains a bit of a mystery, since in times past Pim has gotten along fairly well with other cats, provided they aren’t trying to kick his ass. One autumn, we had a real, live foster-kitten for several weeks. While Pim wasn’t all that interested in being friends, he was more than willing to live and let live. So it seems odd that he would be so hostile toward cardboard cutouts & books with cat photos on them.
The best explanation I can give—and I think it’s a pretty good one—is that while the book looks like a real cat, it doesn’t act like one. It doesn’t smell or move like a cat, or come over to sniff Pim, or even blink or avert the gaze. It probably comes across as fairly threatening in kitty terms, as must have Flat Cat.
Of course, we have had some fun with the kitty book. It turns out that if you get the book close enough to Pim, he will hiss & spit, & bat at it mercilessly, even to the point of knocking it out of your hands. At one point, we maneuvered the book just right so that Pim was able to sniff it and figure out that there was no threat, but the next time the book came out he reverted to the hissing and such…apparently he will never trust the kitty book.
Pim is a passive-aggressive guy though, and he let us know when he had had more than enough. He made his anger known by peeing in a couple of key spots around the house. This is a fully housebroken cat who NEVER has accidents. No, if he does his business anywhere other than he is supposed to, you can bet that it’s deliberate.
We learned our lesson and put the kitty book back in the box with the other toys, where it cannot torture Pim anymore (until Little Bee comes over to read it—bwuahaha!). As for Pim, it appears that all is forgiven. He has had his revenge and moved on.
Editor's Update--04/20/06--I just discovered more evidence of Pim's revenge this morning. Now we must kitty-proof the house to minimize future attacks.
The moral of the story: When Pim gets pissed off, things get pissed on...
Apr 18, 2006
Pseudonyms...
Pseudonyms have been a recurring issue for me in this blog. My blog is open to public perusal, but those I write about don’t necessarily know I’m posting information about them for all to see and read. Plus, you never know who might come across my blog, and I certainly don’t want to get anyone in trouble with my ranting, especially myself. Consequently, my rule of thumb is to use pseudonyms for everyone except the pets.
When writing about work folks, I decided to use names from the Brady Bunch (in case you didn’t pick up on that before), with the exception of my officemate, to whom I referred simply as “Officemate” (and except for Ms. Gillian, whose story you’ll have to read for yourself in my archives). This could have become quite complicated when I moved offices, except that now I work in a cube, so my new officemate is more accurately “Cubemate,” thus eliminating most of the confusion. Come to think of it, I don’t know that I’ve mentioned Cubemate thus far, so don’t even worry about it yet.
I couldn’t think of a cutesy theme broad enough to encompass friends and acquaintances, so I stuck with initials. Surprisingly, this worked fine until the new Mrs. B. got married last month, creating a duplicate with our other good friends the B's.
I have spent the past week trying to think of a new name for the B's and have yet to come up with a fitting and clever pseudonym, so I shall have to resort to the plain and unoriginal.
Thus, henceforth and heretofore, our good friends and next-door-neighbors shall be known on this blog as the "Bees": Mr. Bee, Mrs. Bee, their daughter Little Bee, and their pets Sydney and Tokyo. The new Mrs. B. and her husband, married over a month now, shall remain the B's.
Thus saith skerribee--um, I mean skerrib...
When writing about work folks, I decided to use names from the Brady Bunch (in case you didn’t pick up on that before), with the exception of my officemate, to whom I referred simply as “Officemate” (and except for Ms. Gillian, whose story you’ll have to read for yourself in my archives). This could have become quite complicated when I moved offices, except that now I work in a cube, so my new officemate is more accurately “Cubemate,” thus eliminating most of the confusion. Come to think of it, I don’t know that I’ve mentioned Cubemate thus far, so don’t even worry about it yet.
I couldn’t think of a cutesy theme broad enough to encompass friends and acquaintances, so I stuck with initials. Surprisingly, this worked fine until the new Mrs. B. got married last month, creating a duplicate with our other good friends the B's.
I have spent the past week trying to think of a new name for the B's and have yet to come up with a fitting and clever pseudonym, so I shall have to resort to the plain and unoriginal.
Thus, henceforth and heretofore, our good friends and next-door-neighbors shall be known on this blog as the "Bees": Mr. Bee, Mrs. Bee, their daughter Little Bee, and their pets Sydney and Tokyo. The new Mrs. B. and her husband, married over a month now, shall remain the B's.
Thus saith skerribee--um, I mean skerrib...
Apr 12, 2006
Deer Dialogue...
I encountered a pair of deer while jogging this morning. Being that they didn't speak English, and I didn't dare speak aloud & scare them, this is our conversation as I imagined it--
Deer--"Excuse us please, we're just going to cross the road Oh good there are no cars because we're already halfway into the lane OK, now just up this hill, and, Good we're safe!"
Me, stopped dead in my tracks, about 20 feet away--"Oh, hello. I've never been this close to deer before."
Deer--"Well, here we are. Did you want to stare all day? We have places to be."
Me--"Um, I have a secret fear that sometime when I'm out jogging, some rogue deer is going to jet out of nowhere and pummel me to the ground out of spite. You're not going to do that, are you?"
Deer--"Oh geez...you watch too many stupid car insurance commercials. Relax, OK? You do your thing, we'll do ours."
Me--"Okay...bye then."
I'm totally clean & sober, honest...
Deer--"Excuse us please, we're just going to cross the road Oh good there are no cars because we're already halfway into the lane OK, now just up this hill, and, Good we're safe!"
Me, stopped dead in my tracks, about 20 feet away--"Oh, hello. I've never been this close to deer before."
Deer--"Well, here we are. Did you want to stare all day? We have places to be."
Me--"Um, I have a secret fear that sometime when I'm out jogging, some rogue deer is going to jet out of nowhere and pummel me to the ground out of spite. You're not going to do that, are you?"
Deer--"Oh geez...you watch too many stupid car insurance commercials. Relax, OK? You do your thing, we'll do ours."
Me--"Okay...bye then."
I'm totally clean & sober, honest...
Apr 3, 2006
The Great Scam Leaves Its Mark...
The beginning of Daylight Saving Time seems to be affecting the Cat-Daddy more than me for once. Saturday night I set our two main clocks ahead, so Sunday morning we were good to go. I got ready for church, and the Cat-Daddy headed off to class. He didn't even get out of the driveway, though, before reappearing at the door--
"Skerrib, what time is it?"
"About 8:00"
"Why does my car say it's 7:00??"
"Daylight Saving Time went into effect this morning."
"Are you sure??"
"Check on the computer. Or the TV." (the TV goes on for a short time)
"Does Mr. B (our friend/neighbor) know?"
"I hope so" (Mr. B. was my ride to church that day). "Hey Cat-Daddy, how does it feel to fall victim to the greatest scam ever pulled??"
The Cat-Daddy was not amused.
The B.'s did, in fact, remember to set their clocks as well. I am usually such a time zone wuss that the slightest disruption takes me a week or two to adjust, but thus far I feel surprisingly unaffected. At least part of it is due to the fact that I completely forgot to set my alarm this morning, sleeping straight thru to 7 instead of 6. We shall see as the week progresses. For once I'm heading to bed on time tonight; that's a good start.
As for the Cat-Daddy--who is ordinarily of the "suck-it-up" mentality, especially when I start complaining about time zone adjustments, summer humidity, keeping the house at 60 degrees in the wintertime, or pretty much anything else I decide is unnatural and/or inhumane--he is crashed on the couch as we speak. In his own words, he is "wiped because of Daylight Saving Time."
Yes, I am gloating.
I so rarely get to do so, I feel compelled to savor this moment...
...It feels quite delicious...
...there. I'm done.
Next up will be Pim's most recent adventures. He's quite a trooper to tolerate kitty-parents like us...
"Skerrib, what time is it?"
"About 8:00"
"Why does my car say it's 7:00??"
"Daylight Saving Time went into effect this morning."
"Are you sure??"
"Check on the computer. Or the TV." (the TV goes on for a short time)
"Does Mr. B (our friend/neighbor) know?"
"I hope so" (Mr. B. was my ride to church that day). "Hey Cat-Daddy, how does it feel to fall victim to the greatest scam ever pulled??"
The Cat-Daddy was not amused.
The B.'s did, in fact, remember to set their clocks as well. I am usually such a time zone wuss that the slightest disruption takes me a week or two to adjust, but thus far I feel surprisingly unaffected. At least part of it is due to the fact that I completely forgot to set my alarm this morning, sleeping straight thru to 7 instead of 6. We shall see as the week progresses. For once I'm heading to bed on time tonight; that's a good start.
As for the Cat-Daddy--who is ordinarily of the "suck-it-up" mentality, especially when I start complaining about time zone adjustments, summer humidity, keeping the house at 60 degrees in the wintertime, or pretty much anything else I decide is unnatural and/or inhumane--he is crashed on the couch as we speak. In his own words, he is "wiped because of Daylight Saving Time."
Yes, I am gloating.
I so rarely get to do so, I feel compelled to savor this moment...
...It feels quite delicious...
...there. I'm done.
Next up will be Pim's most recent adventures. He's quite a trooper to tolerate kitty-parents like us...
Apr 1, 2006
The Great Scam Returns...
It's that time of year again: Daylight Saving Time is upon us. We "spring forward," losing an hour tonight and spending the next two weeks readjusting our bodies' clocks to the time change. I know not everyone experiences the same difficulties I have adjusting to the new time, but I also know I'm not the only one. Slightly higher accident rates occur during the first week of DST--I read it online so it's gotta be true, right?
In all fairness I admit that DST is actually a fairly reasonable idea here on the East coast. Not that I'm advocating it, mind you. I still think the whole thing is a crock. However, our geographical position is such that, even on DST, we still get some decent daylight in the morning hours, as well as the evenings. For all the good things about our last state, Ohio, DST drove me nuts because the sun didn't rise until nearly 6am on the longest days, so we early-morning warriors had a lot of dark & dim jogs come September. And then, come 9pm when it was time to start getting ready for bed, it was still fairly light out. It just wasn't natural.
At least here in the suburbs of Boston we have a nice balance. Plenty of light in the AM to get my jog in, and decent daylight hours in the evenings.
To be continued...
In all fairness I admit that DST is actually a fairly reasonable idea here on the East coast. Not that I'm advocating it, mind you. I still think the whole thing is a crock. However, our geographical position is such that, even on DST, we still get some decent daylight in the morning hours, as well as the evenings. For all the good things about our last state, Ohio, DST drove me nuts because the sun didn't rise until nearly 6am on the longest days, so we early-morning warriors had a lot of dark & dim jogs come September. And then, come 9pm when it was time to start getting ready for bed, it was still fairly light out. It just wasn't natural.
At least here in the suburbs of Boston we have a nice balance. Plenty of light in the AM to get my jog in, and decent daylight hours in the evenings.
To be continued...
Mar 29, 2006
Guilty Pleasures...
- Butter mints
- Stained Glass Candy--Hot Cinnamon!
- Coke Classic
- FreeCell
- Juliet Lloyd (she's really more of a not-so-guilty pleasure)
Mar 27, 2006
Fairly Obvious Signs That I'm a Nerd, Part II...
4. I did trig(onometry) at work today
5. I enjoyed doing trig at work today
6. When the department admin said I could have my choice of office supplies, I requested mechanical pencils and engineering paper
It's so much nicer when the paper does the engineering for you...
Part I
5. I enjoyed doing trig at work today
6. When the department admin said I could have my choice of office supplies, I requested mechanical pencils and engineering paper
It's so much nicer when the paper does the engineering for you...
Part I
Mar 25, 2006
Ready to Rumble...
This is Zoe's fresh spring haircut, complete with mohawk sculpted by the Cat-Daddy. She went from snuggly fluffball to punk-weasel-dog in less than an afternoon...
Mar 16, 2006
Dream a Little Dream...
I am hit-or-miss when it comes to remembering my dreams. While they are often bizarre, they are not usually all that detailed; or rather, the details are not describable in any way that remotely makes sense. That said, I do have a few standard stress dreams which seem to repeat themselves, especially when I’m anxious about something.
There’s the snake dream. Often many of them will be in my yard and I’ll need to get into or out of the house. Plenty of times the setting has been the house where I grew up, but more recently I tend to find myself in a new house and discover that my yard is in fact a habitat for poisonous snakes, and I have to figure out how to co-exist with them. Once I was on some sort of camping or mountain-climbing trip, and a giant snake the color of those reddish garden hoses, with bright yellow and blue diamonds along its back, pretty much followed me the whole way. Come to think of it, just last night I was traveling along some kind of path, lined with cobras that were spitting and lunging at me. Thankfully the snakes in my dreams have almost never tried to hurt me. Even the cobras were all about intimidation, and didn’t try to actually touch me. The only time in my dreams that a snake intended harm was when I was in the desert with the Von Trapp family. Maria was singing in the background (of course). I was kneeling down, and a rattlesnake was headed my way while my legs were stuck to the ground. It made sense at the time. The only thing I could do was lie backward with my legs still in place, folded behind me. The snake didn't get to me, however, because I woke myself up. It was one of the few times I've sucessfully woken myself up from a dream. Woken--is that a word? It sounds weird...
Then there’s the one where my teeth are falling out, one by one. It starts with one of my bottom front ones wiggling loose. The ones with the retainer cemented to them. Then another, then a top one, and so on, until my molars start coming out too.
And the one where I'm trying to dial a phone number, but just can't get it right. Not just once or twice. Like 10 times. And usually it's for something important, such as calling the fire department. And there is no such thing as 9-1-1 in this dream, it's a full number I'm trying to dial. It's maddening.
There’s the one where I’m teaching a class and mutiny is afoot. One kid will be loud & raucous, or refusing and stay put. Just as I get him/her under control, someone on the opposite end of the room does the same thing. It gradually gets worse until I’m desperately screaming for everyone to sit down and shut up, and the entire class thinks it’s a great game, messing with my head. I had this dream regularly when I was an actual teacher, usually in the weeks leading up to a new year or semester. Even today, I dream of classroom mutiny every so often.
Another school dream started popping up when I was in grad school. In this one, I’m registered full-time, or working full-time while registered for a class or two. Either way, somehow I'll totally forget to attend one class, until about halfway through the term, when I’ll realize it and make plans to catch up and pass the class, but somehow I keep forgetting to show up. Once I was back in high school, needing one class to graduate, and I just couldn’t seem to get to the dang class. It was dreadful.
The one good thing about stress dreams, if such a thing exists, is that they very rarely come true to their full extent in real life. I did forget to go to a lab once in grad school. I left school after class, completely forgetting that lab was held right after the lecture. It wasn’t even the first class of the quarter…I simply forgot. I was very fortunate in that I didn’t miss anything. Even if I had, it would have been a pain to make up the work, but it would have been do-able. I have seen a snake in my yard, but it was small & harmless. We left each other alone, and it went away, and I never saw it again. As an adult, I’ve lost a crown, but never a tooth, and even my worst classroom days never came close to full-scale anarchy.
Being a nervous-type, I deal with stress dreams by talking myself down from the anxiety. Usually a quick pep talk about how it was all a dream will suffice. When that doesn’t work, I devise a plan of action to prevent the events in the dream from ever coming true.
Yesterday was a banner day in the history of stress dreams, as I had what apparently was a sympathy-stress-dream. I’ve never heard of this occurring before, but there’s a first time for everything, I suppose. My dream involved my friend, the future Mrs. L., who is getting married in 2 months. Some background info: the Cat-Daddy and I will be helping out, making sure that the schedule runs as smoothly as possible. It will also help to know that Mrs. L. is currently storing her dress in my guest room, until it’s time to have it altered and pressed before the big day. Understandably, Mrs. L. is busy with plans & preparations, but my role is easy. I get to show up in nice-ish clothes and boss people around. Very little stress on my end. You'd think so anyway...
So in my dream it was suddenly Mrs. L.’s wedding day. To begin with, I wondered how time had passed so quickly, as we had completely skipped the month of April. I had been looking forward to bossing people around, ala “What are you doing here? You were supposed to be over there ten minutes ago!!” but again, time had gotten away from me, and it was now just a couple hours before the wedding. I got my butt to the church, and when I finally got there it was an hour prior to the wedding, and pretty much everything seemed to be in order, except that Mrs. L. wasn’t in her dress yet. I asked her about it, and it turns out it was my job to bring the dress from my house to the church for her, and I’d completely forgotten! So we tracked down the Cat-Daddy, asking him to drive home and pick up the dress. But it wasn’t just the dress; there was the slip, the veil, and accessories. So I started to write out a list so he would know to get everything. Well, I tried & tried, but my writing was totally illegible, so Mrs. L. and I finally decided to go ourselves so we’d be sure to get all of the necessary accoutrements.
We got to my house and started grabbing the dress and accessories, but as we grabbed stuff, there was more & more for us to take. Flower girl dresses, flower girl gifts, entire suitcases of clothes, towels, & shoes (for the honeymoon?? I have no idea). And I'm almost certain there was a lava lamp in there somewhere. Soon Mrs. L.’s mom showed up and volunteered to pack & take most of the stuff for us so we could get back to the church and start the wedding ASAP.
At this point my house was no longer the house I live in now, it was some random house in extremely west Phoenix, and it was my parents’ house and I was just staying with them for the wedding. Or something like that. Whatever it was, it made sense at the time. Mrs. L. and I loaded up the car and were getting ready to go just as a strange couple drove up to the house asking about the wedding. We told them everything was being held at the church an hour away, and they could follow us there if they wanted to, all the while thinking, “duh, why would they come here??” We got into the car & headed down the street. The couple got into their car & started to pull out. I watched for them to follow us in my rearview mirror, but they never did, so I was worried that they were actually there to rob my (or rather my parents’) house, and had just pretended that they were going to follow us to the wedding, when in fact they were going to stuff my parents' belongings into their tiny 1985 Honda Accord hatchback.
Consequently, I decided to drive back around the block & check on the house, only I wasn’t at all familiar with the neighborhood and got all turned around. I never did make it back to check on the house. Eventually I ended up on a main road a good mile away, except that we were now in extremely east Phoenix. Nothing was familiar, but we did make our way up to Loop 202 so we could catch a commuter roller-coaster back to the church.
Yes, a commuter roller-coaster.
An interesting concept, but terribly inefficient, as we kept having to debark and get back in line at several of the stops. And as we crossed into different cities, the coasters were very different. The Scottsdale portion, for example, was bright & shiny & new, and had loops & turns, etc., while the Mesa portion was old & dingy, with crappy seats (sorry, Mesa) that kept ejecting us out of them so we'd have to get back in & try to get going again. This went on for quite some time, and became pretty convoluted. The last thing I remember is being stuck in a warehouse-setting, waiting for one of three doors to open and the coaster to whisk me through it to wherever was next. Mrs. L. walked up wondering what on earth we were doing here when we had to get back to the church for her wedding. From there the dream got fuzzy, and I think it transitioned into a whole other theme involving bikes, snow, and a very strange amusement park. Anyway, to summarize, we did not get back to the church for the wedding.
As a result of this dream, I made two major decisions:
1) Mrs. L. is to retrieve her dress from my house long before an hour prior to her wedding, and I will not be responsible for it.
2) I’m not going anywhere near a commuter roller-coaster unless I have ample time to spare.
There’s the snake dream. Often many of them will be in my yard and I’ll need to get into or out of the house. Plenty of times the setting has been the house where I grew up, but more recently I tend to find myself in a new house and discover that my yard is in fact a habitat for poisonous snakes, and I have to figure out how to co-exist with them. Once I was on some sort of camping or mountain-climbing trip, and a giant snake the color of those reddish garden hoses, with bright yellow and blue diamonds along its back, pretty much followed me the whole way. Come to think of it, just last night I was traveling along some kind of path, lined with cobras that were spitting and lunging at me. Thankfully the snakes in my dreams have almost never tried to hurt me. Even the cobras were all about intimidation, and didn’t try to actually touch me. The only time in my dreams that a snake intended harm was when I was in the desert with the Von Trapp family. Maria was singing in the background (of course). I was kneeling down, and a rattlesnake was headed my way while my legs were stuck to the ground. It made sense at the time. The only thing I could do was lie backward with my legs still in place, folded behind me. The snake didn't get to me, however, because I woke myself up. It was one of the few times I've sucessfully woken myself up from a dream. Woken--is that a word? It sounds weird...
Then there’s the one where my teeth are falling out, one by one. It starts with one of my bottom front ones wiggling loose. The ones with the retainer cemented to them. Then another, then a top one, and so on, until my molars start coming out too.
And the one where I'm trying to dial a phone number, but just can't get it right. Not just once or twice. Like 10 times. And usually it's for something important, such as calling the fire department. And there is no such thing as 9-1-1 in this dream, it's a full number I'm trying to dial. It's maddening.
There’s the one where I’m teaching a class and mutiny is afoot. One kid will be loud & raucous, or refusing and stay put. Just as I get him/her under control, someone on the opposite end of the room does the same thing. It gradually gets worse until I’m desperately screaming for everyone to sit down and shut up, and the entire class thinks it’s a great game, messing with my head. I had this dream regularly when I was an actual teacher, usually in the weeks leading up to a new year or semester. Even today, I dream of classroom mutiny every so often.
Another school dream started popping up when I was in grad school. In this one, I’m registered full-time, or working full-time while registered for a class or two. Either way, somehow I'll totally forget to attend one class, until about halfway through the term, when I’ll realize it and make plans to catch up and pass the class, but somehow I keep forgetting to show up. Once I was back in high school, needing one class to graduate, and I just couldn’t seem to get to the dang class. It was dreadful.
The one good thing about stress dreams, if such a thing exists, is that they very rarely come true to their full extent in real life. I did forget to go to a lab once in grad school. I left school after class, completely forgetting that lab was held right after the lecture. It wasn’t even the first class of the quarter…I simply forgot. I was very fortunate in that I didn’t miss anything. Even if I had, it would have been a pain to make up the work, but it would have been do-able. I have seen a snake in my yard, but it was small & harmless. We left each other alone, and it went away, and I never saw it again. As an adult, I’ve lost a crown, but never a tooth, and even my worst classroom days never came close to full-scale anarchy.
Being a nervous-type, I deal with stress dreams by talking myself down from the anxiety. Usually a quick pep talk about how it was all a dream will suffice. When that doesn’t work, I devise a plan of action to prevent the events in the dream from ever coming true.
Yesterday was a banner day in the history of stress dreams, as I had what apparently was a sympathy-stress-dream. I’ve never heard of this occurring before, but there’s a first time for everything, I suppose. My dream involved my friend, the future Mrs. L., who is getting married in 2 months. Some background info: the Cat-Daddy and I will be helping out, making sure that the schedule runs as smoothly as possible. It will also help to know that Mrs. L. is currently storing her dress in my guest room, until it’s time to have it altered and pressed before the big day. Understandably, Mrs. L. is busy with plans & preparations, but my role is easy. I get to show up in nice-ish clothes and boss people around. Very little stress on my end. You'd think so anyway...
So in my dream it was suddenly Mrs. L.’s wedding day. To begin with, I wondered how time had passed so quickly, as we had completely skipped the month of April. I had been looking forward to bossing people around, ala “What are you doing here? You were supposed to be over there ten minutes ago!!” but again, time had gotten away from me, and it was now just a couple hours before the wedding. I got my butt to the church, and when I finally got there it was an hour prior to the wedding, and pretty much everything seemed to be in order, except that Mrs. L. wasn’t in her dress yet. I asked her about it, and it turns out it was my job to bring the dress from my house to the church for her, and I’d completely forgotten! So we tracked down the Cat-Daddy, asking him to drive home and pick up the dress. But it wasn’t just the dress; there was the slip, the veil, and accessories. So I started to write out a list so he would know to get everything. Well, I tried & tried, but my writing was totally illegible, so Mrs. L. and I finally decided to go ourselves so we’d be sure to get all of the necessary accoutrements.
We got to my house and started grabbing the dress and accessories, but as we grabbed stuff, there was more & more for us to take. Flower girl dresses, flower girl gifts, entire suitcases of clothes, towels, & shoes (for the honeymoon?? I have no idea). And I'm almost certain there was a lava lamp in there somewhere. Soon Mrs. L.’s mom showed up and volunteered to pack & take most of the stuff for us so we could get back to the church and start the wedding ASAP.
At this point my house was no longer the house I live in now, it was some random house in extremely west Phoenix, and it was my parents’ house and I was just staying with them for the wedding. Or something like that. Whatever it was, it made sense at the time. Mrs. L. and I loaded up the car and were getting ready to go just as a strange couple drove up to the house asking about the wedding. We told them everything was being held at the church an hour away, and they could follow us there if they wanted to, all the while thinking, “duh, why would they come here??” We got into the car & headed down the street. The couple got into their car & started to pull out. I watched for them to follow us in my rearview mirror, but they never did, so I was worried that they were actually there to rob my (or rather my parents’) house, and had just pretended that they were going to follow us to the wedding, when in fact they were going to stuff my parents' belongings into their tiny 1985 Honda Accord hatchback.
Consequently, I decided to drive back around the block & check on the house, only I wasn’t at all familiar with the neighborhood and got all turned around. I never did make it back to check on the house. Eventually I ended up on a main road a good mile away, except that we were now in extremely east Phoenix. Nothing was familiar, but we did make our way up to Loop 202 so we could catch a commuter roller-coaster back to the church.
Yes, a commuter roller-coaster.
An interesting concept, but terribly inefficient, as we kept having to debark and get back in line at several of the stops. And as we crossed into different cities, the coasters were very different. The Scottsdale portion, for example, was bright & shiny & new, and had loops & turns, etc., while the Mesa portion was old & dingy, with crappy seats (sorry, Mesa) that kept ejecting us out of them so we'd have to get back in & try to get going again. This went on for quite some time, and became pretty convoluted. The last thing I remember is being stuck in a warehouse-setting, waiting for one of three doors to open and the coaster to whisk me through it to wherever was next. Mrs. L. walked up wondering what on earth we were doing here when we had to get back to the church for her wedding. From there the dream got fuzzy, and I think it transitioned into a whole other theme involving bikes, snow, and a very strange amusement park. Anyway, to summarize, we did not get back to the church for the wedding.
As a result of this dream, I made two major decisions:
1) Mrs. L. is to retrieve her dress from my house long before an hour prior to her wedding, and I will not be responsible for it.
2) I’m not going anywhere near a commuter roller-coaster unless I have ample time to spare.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)